Taking Space, Giving Grace, and Resisting Less

As I sit on my tiny patio, looking out over the green space and trees, I can see the occasional dog walker strolling past. The sun is shining, though we are protected under a small cantilever umbrella. The smell of lilacs is in the air. It’s quiet, save for the occasional rustle of the leaves or buzz of bees hopping from flower to flower. 

My husband, Dana, and I are side by side on slightly dusty chairs with a table between us laden with two small bowls of BBQ ruffle chips and a gin fizz each. We chat idly between mouthfuls and sips, reading and enjoying each other's company.

I’m reflecting on the last few months.

From globetrotting to surgery recovery

It’s been a whirlwind. Two days after we got home from our long-awaited 18-day 40th birthday trip to Croatia and Slovenia, Dana had surgery to remove a benign salivary gland tumour.

We knew the surgery was coming. We’d gotten the biopsy results confirming the tumour was not cancerous a few weeks before we left. It was a massive relief after several months of worry and fear that it was cancer and that Dana would have to go through treatment… again.

All things considered, surgery and a cool scar were the best-case scenario.

We got to go on our amazing trip and put the surgery on the back burner of our thoughts until we got home.

I'm not going to lie; after the excitement of travelling, sleep-deprived and still jetlagged, it was a bit of a rough return. But Dana bore the recovery with his usual easy humour and optimism. Several friends and siblings ensured we were well-stocked with food, and I took care of everything else until he could start doing things on his own again. 

We spent a lot of time on the couch with our cats, playing our favourite video game (the expansion serendipitously came out a week after the surgery), watching shows with a popsicle in hand, or enjoying the quiet on our patio. 

Now, nine weeks after the surgery, Dana is mostly back to “normal,” save for what we affectionately call his super-villain scar (eight inches down the side of his neck, and badass).

Taking space, giving grace, and resisting less

I’ve been thinking about the contrast between the high of the trip and the low of the surgery. So close together, both experiences have made me appreciate how fortunate I am, the many comforts of home, and the lovely mundane routines of our lives. 

I’ve come to recognize that while I love to travel, I also find it profoundly uncomfortable. It requires significant effort for me to let go of failed plans, adjust to unexpected occurrences, and allow for spontaneity. I tend to struggle with rapid change and quick decisions. I like the familiarity and clarity of “knowing what to do,” which isn’t always the case in a foreign city or when trying something new (I’m looking at you, sea kayaking!). I like tidy spaces and quiet, and travel is often messy and chaotic. Even just the stimulus of all the things to see, smell, taste and hear can sometimes be overwhelming.

With each trip, I get better at managing these unknowns. I get better at acknowledging the discomfort while not letting it stop me from enjoying the experience. But it takes effort to take that space and keep it. It takes effort to give myself grace when I get flustered or hangry😅. It takes effort to resist less, release the grip I have on “the plan,” and roll with whatever happens.

This trip was no different, and I’m generally happy with how I navigated it all. 

Even more, I’m proud that I was able to come back and also have the space and grace to take the time Dana and I both needed to recover from travel and the stress of a significant surgery.

I’m doing my best to live the themes I set for myself at the beginning of the year.

There’s no place like home

I can look back and know that I had the best 40th birthday trip I could ask for, and also know that this quiet, homebody introvert is immensely happy to have settled back into the familiar rhythms of life. 

Dorothy had it right; there’s no place like home.👠

There is nothing quite like climbing into your own bed and laying your head on your own pillow after being away. I’ve relished the ease of knowing where everything is, how things work, and how to get places. I’ve been deeply appreciating our endless supply of hot water, abundant clean clothing options, home-cooked meals, familiar food brands, and plentiful drip coffee. I’ve been rejoicing in snuggling my cats and, perhaps most of all, the quiet.

In this moment between adventures and challenges, I feel calm and grateful. 

I’m sitting in my lovely little yard with the person I love most. We enjoyed an amazing trip together and then came home to our wonderful home. Dana got the surgery he needed, and it went as well as it could. He’s recovered, and we are back to work, chores, and regular life. 

In our tiny corner of the world, I couldn’t be happier.

Among the hustle and bustle, the chores and planning, the ups and downs, I hope you find a little space, a lot of grace, and as much calm as you can.