Obligation Elimination And The Power Of Saying No

“There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.” - Peter Drucker

I came across this quote a few years ago, and it’s one of those ideas that has stuck with me and, in many ways, is foundational in how I think about productivity and time. The core principle is that no matter how many tactics, tools, and productivity hacks you do, the most effective way to claw back your time is to say no. It’s the difference between obligation elimination and time management. 

While time management tools and tactics have their place, this shifts the focus to evaluating your decisions —what you say yes to, what you say no to, and how those decisions impact you. 

The resounding theme of almost all my initial one-on-one consulting sessions is that there is NO TIME. Packed schedules are combined with an overwhelming number of commitments and never-ending to-do lists. But mixed in is the pressure to add more, do more, and be more. It’s not surprising that so many people come to me completely overwhelmed and struggling with how to return to a more sustainable pace.

The opportunity cost of saying yes

One of the most important lessons you can learn when it comes to spending your precious time is that there is an opportunity cost to every yes. This means that every time you say yes to something, you are saying NO to countless other things. 

The cost of your “yes” might be paid by missing time with your family, partner, friends or neglecting your current commitments. It might be paid by your body in low energy and health challenges, or your mental health in overwhelm and exhaustion. The road to burnout is paved with hundreds of ill-advised “yes’s” because eventually, the cost is higher than you can pay. 

As Drucker said, no matter how efficient you are, it doesn’t matter if you are doing things you shouldn’t be doing in the first place. 

How do I figure out which obligations to eliminate or say no to?

Obligation elimination is a way of being intentional about what you commit to. That intention comes from reflecting on your motivations, whether the obligations align with your priorities, and the consequences of letting them drop.

Why am I committing to this?

I wrote about people pleasing and fear motivators in 8 Signs You Are A People Pleaser (And How To Stop!), and 7 Strategies to Stop Fear-Based Decision-Making, but the gist is this: What’s the why behind your yes? Are you doing something because you want to or because you think you should/feel guilty/are worried someone won’t like you, etc.? Take a minute to think about what motivated your agreement to the obligation and if it’s a good reason.

Evaluate your obligations against your priorities

Your priorities are the things that you want to invest your time and energy into above all else. What’s important to you? What are the things that matter most? What moves the needle on your goals? Your priorities might be time with your family and partner, being active, being creative, financial security and stability, supporting your community, or any number of things. When you look at your current commitments, do they fit into those priorities? 

Is this a glass ball or a plastic ball?

This is a metaphor for how you rank your individual, more granular priorities. You can read more about it in How to Juggle Priorities: Decide Which Balls Are Glass and Which Are Plastic, but the idea is: Some of your balls (tasks/commitments/obligations) will be plastic. If they get dropped, they bounce, and no harm is done. But some of them are glass. If they are dropped, they shatter and someone is hurt or damage is done. Is your obligation a glass ball or a plastic ball? Can it be dropped, or does it need to stay in the air?

Make space with the 4Ds

When you look at the rainbow of meetings and commitments and are not sure where to start, a quick, tactical way to evaluate them is based on the 4Ds:

1. Delete: Is there anything here that I can completely eliminate because it doesn’t fit with my priorities or goals, or is a plastic ball?
2. Delegate: Is there anything here that I can ask for help with or ask someone else to take on?
3. Defer: Is there anything here that I can push back to a later time?
4. Do: What’s left? What are the glass balls?

How do I know when to say no?

When you have wiggle room in your schedule, how can you stop it from getting out of control again? How do you practice obligation prevention, aka, saying no?

Map out your ideal week

This is an exercise that helps create a visual of the week's normal routines to show how much time is left for everything else. When I do this with my clients, they are often completely shocked by how much time they truly have available in their regular day-to-day lives. 

You can read the full instructions in Time-Blocking and Imagining Your Ideal Week, but the core is to brainstorm the things you usually do over the course of a week — like meal prep, eating, commuting, hygiene, and bedtime routines, etc. — and fill them in on a spreadsheet or in your calendar, and then identify the gaps. When you have a more realistic view of how much time you actually have each week, then you can brainstorm the things you want to spend time on (your priorities, goals, and glass balls) and see where they fit. 

By identifying and mapping out your ideal week, you have a framework to compare against when deciding whether to add another commitment. Ask yourself: Does this obligation fit in my ideal week?

Before committing, ask yourself: If I say yes, what happens?

There are consequences to every decision. Consider how accepting a project, going to a meeting, agreeing to a task, or attending an event impacts you in the context of all your other commitments:

• What does the rest of your day, week, or month look like?
• Will you have the energy for it?
• Do you have to give something else up to do it? 
• What are the consequences of a no? (The true consequences, not a story you made up in your head about someone being mad at you!)

Default to: “Let me get back to you.” 

If you have a hard time saying no, make it a rule to never say yes on the spot. Always say, “Let me get back to you,” to give yourself a little time to evaluate the obligation against your motivations, priorities, and available time and energy. 

No is a little word with a big impact

When you say no to things that don’t fit with your priorities, current availability, or what’s important to you, you are keeping space and honouring your existing commitments and available bandwidth to manage them. That little word is a shield you can wield to keep your obligations and commitments to a manageable level and do your best to protect your time for what matters most to you. It's a little word with a big impact. Use it!

If you need help eliminating some of your commitments or learning to say no, get in touch!