Let's Ease Into The Holiday Season

I’m sitting under a black and white plaid velour blanket at my writing desk in the corner of my bedroom. As always, I’ve left a corner of the blanket draped on the bed so Stella, my brown tabby cat, can snuggle next to me. She is curled up in a little cat loaf, snoring softly. The room is dim, but for the warm glow from the fairy lights around the shelves above my writing desk. They reflect off the “crazy cat lady” snow globe my friend Anthea gave me for my birthday a few years ago.

It’s early, the sun won’t be up for another hour, and I still feel a little sleep-foggy as I settle into work. The last few sips of my first coffee have grown tepid, but I can hear the whirr of the grinder as my husband brews a new pot in the kitchen downstairs. He will be up shortly to get my cup and bring me a refill, as he so often does.

I’m a little worn out. The past few months have been full, and we are in that last push to the holidays. There’s always a crescendo of to-do’s in the lead-up to the holidays, regrettably combined with a decrescendo of energy. It’s hard to focus on work since all I want to do is curl up with a book.

Even though the Halloween decorations are barely off the shelves, it’s seven weeks until Christmas Day. I’m thinking about the coming weeks and everything I need to do between now and then. It feels a little overwhelming at this particular sleepy moment, but I know there are some things I can do to get ahead of it and ease into the holidays.

The stressors of the season

I generally love the holiday season, but it can also be a fraught time. The roulette wheel of potential stressors constantly spins, waiting to surprise you. And that doesn’t even include the stressors you know are guaranteed! Among the potentially joyful things like gifts, decorations, and time with family and friends… are also complicated parts related to:

• Family dynamics and challenging relationships 
• Grief and loss are often amplified around special occasions
• Financial pressures or difficulties related to gifts and meals
• Household responsibilities and mental load with holiday planning
• Travel logistics and unpredictable weather 
• Additional social events and commitments for you and your kids
• Work pressures and dwindling resources as others go on vacation

One of the things I work with my clients on is anticipating stressful times and making decisions now that will make those times more manageable. Now’s the time to start thinking about the stressors you know are coming and consider ways you could mitigate them.

Here are some things you can do to help ease into the holiday season.

1. Pick your battles

There are things that matter and things that don’t. There are traditions and commitments you might have to honour or challenging people you will have to interact with. Some of these things are unavoidable for a myriad of reasons. But consider:

• Are they genuinely unavoidable, or are you making excuses?
• How can you reduce your engagement, time, or exposure to those situations if they are?
• What do you need to do to uncommit from them if they are things you can get out of?

Sometimes, you make assumptions about things you “have to” do without truly considering whether they are worth the energy and effort. I’m looking at you, people pleasers in particular! This comes down to a question of consequences: 

• Why do you feel like you have to?
• What happens if you don’t do the thing/go to the event/see the person versus if you do?
• Which consequences are most acceptable?

Some battles are worth it; some aren’t. Be intentional about which ones you pick. 

2. Set expectations (for yourself and others)

Every year, your circumstances will be a little (or a lot) different. What kind of year is it this year? 

• Is it one where you are excited and want to go all out on decorations? 
• Or is it the kind of year you need to do as little as possible? 
• Is it the kind of year you ask your kids to step up for certain things now that they are a little older? 
• Maybe this year, you decide to forgo baking and buy cookies.
• Is this a year you decide to host a party?
• Is this the year you stop doing gifts with the other adults in your life and instead plan a potluck dinner? 
• Maybe you decide you don’t want to travel over the holidays and stay home.

It’s okay to change things up based on your season of life and your current life circumstances. Revisit your expectations of yourself based on those circumstances and give yourself permission to do what feels reasonable and possible. Then, communicate it to the people around you. 

3. Simplify (4Ds)

When you review your commitments and tasks over the next few weeks, run them through the 4Ds and see if you can simplify things a bit. 

1. Delete: What can go? What commitments did past you make that you can pull out of?
2. Delegate: Is there anything you can ask someone else to do, or at least ask for help with?
3. Defer: Is there anything you committed to that you can push into the new year?
4. Do: What’s left?

Apply these to work projects and life events alike. This is about making and holding space now, so the weeks leading up to the holidays don’t feel like sprinting to a finish line but rather a more casual stroll (or perhaps a fast walk!).

4. Prioritize joy

What makes a picture-perfect holiday season is not the same for everyone; it doesn’t have to be. Remember that among all those complications I listed above, there are opportunities for joy and delight, but you have to choose to prioritize them. 

• Think about the things and the people that bring you joy and delight. 
• Think about the hobbies or activities that fill your bucket. 
• Think about what you want and what matters.

Prioritize those things; the rest is just noise.

With each passing year, I’m reminded that we only get so many days. At 40, if I’m lucky, I have another 40 holiday seasons to enjoy. There will always be stressful parts, but each year is a new chance to make different choices, do the things that bring me joy with the people that bring me joy, and do my best to let go of the rest.

For other articles on how to manage holiday stress, check out my posts from previous years:

• Give Yourself The Gift of Calm This Holiday Season
• 7 Ways to Reduce Overwhelm and Set your Holiday Season up for Success
• 5 Steps to Reduce Stress This Holiday Season

Do you need some help easing into the holiday season and beyond? Book a free consultation to find out how I can help.