Most Saturday mornings, we wake up slowly. My husband rolls over sleepily for our usual morning snuggle. Sometimes, we go back to sleep, but more often, we are marshalled out of bed by the insistent cries of hungry cats. It’s not often we make it past 7:15 am.

We don our cozy sweats and sweaters while the cats circle, encouraging utmost haste. While I brush out my sleep-tangled hair and make our bed, my husband heads to the kitchen to start the coffee, cats nearly nipping at his heels. I come down the stairs to the sound of percolating and the gnashing of the beasts as they finally get their morning repast. 

Dana moves around our small kitchen with practised ease, listening to a podcast on his AirPods and waiting for the pan to heat up as he pulls out all the pancake accoutrements.

I dig out the lost mice and scrunchie balls from under the couch, to the great anticipation of Winston and Stella. Cats fed and briefly subdued, I curl up to read my morning basketball newsletter. Dana brings me a coffee with a bit of vanilla creamer, just the way I like it. 

We have spoken but a few words, but our easy, familiar rhythm of over 21 years together makes conversation unnecessary.

When the food is ready, we settle in at the kitchen table. We butter and syrup our pancakes and read our respective news or books. There is no sound but the occasional scraping of our knives and forks and the patter of Stella’s paws as she chases her favourite scrunchie ball in our daily game of fetch. Winston desperately tries to get close to the butter dish but is foiled time and time again (usually 😅).

When the plates are empty and tummies full, I do up the dishes and refill our coffees while Dana gets our latest video game queued up. Our big soft blanket is spread over us as we all settle into our usual couch spots. Stella does her little purr dance on my lap before curling up, with Winston close behind.

And we begin the morning’s adventure. 

This is a snapshot of my life. I treasure it and feel immeasurably grateful that it’s a pretty standard Saturday morning in our house. It’s what I want for my normal, and usually, it is. It’s what calm looks like for me.

On these days, I no longer feel the pull to do more. I don’t question if I should be working or if I should be doing something “productive.” I don’t should myself at all, and (though it took a while to believe it) I know I am doing something productive. I’m spending time with the person I love most, doing something we enjoy together, and recharging. 

What does enough mean?

It hasn’t always been like this. 

It’s taken me a long time to get to a place where I could relax without guilt, sit still and not feel the pull of my never-ending to-do list, not feel like rest was a waste of time, and feel like I was allowed to not always be “doing”.

The beginning of my career was dogged by an ever-present push for more. The narrative of the intrepid entrepreneur burning the midnight oil in their 80 work week was loud in the back of my mind as the “right” way to be. If I wasn’t always working, was I even an entrepreneur? 

There was a constant pressure to make things bigger, faster, louder… more. 

And what’s worse is that it never, ever, felt like it was enough. It felt like I was never enough. It was, frankly, exhausting. It was also confusing, frustrating and demoralizing, and eventually, I was left to ask:

What does enough mean? And, even more important, what does enough mean to me?

The pursuit of calm and learning what enough means to me

As is so common in North American culture of more, somewhere along the way, I had confused “productivity” with being a good person. I had tied my value to checking things off a list. I had thought that there was only one way to be valued, and that was to be busy doing.

The change happened gradually over the years. It’s been a combination of getting to know myself better through regular reflection, understanding where the impulse to always be “doing” came from (both in my life and externally), and some significant life experiences along the way. 

Aging, while unfun in some ways, brings with it some significant gifts in the form of: 

• Caring less about what others think (though not entirely)
• Gaining clarity on what I want out of my life (which has evolved)
• Being more secure in who I am and who I want to be (though that is a work in progress as well)

Of course, having MS is a factor, too, but I would like to think I would have come down this path regardless, though perhaps a little (or even a lot) slower. 

I’ve realized there is always, and will always be, more to do. There are more chores, tasks, experiences, and options than anyone can ever consider.  

If you are fortunate enough to live to your late seventies, you will have four thousand weeks in this life. If I am so lucky as to make it that far, I want to make sure I did the things I wanted to along the way with the people I wanted to do them with. I’ve come around to a better appreciation of “the outrageous brevity and shimmering possibilities of our four thousand weeks.” (Oliver Burkeman, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals)

Most of the time, I know what makes me happy, compared to the cacophony of noise online that tells me what I should want, how I should do things, or how I should live my life. 

In the endless pursuit of more, I have instead embraced the pursuit of calm. A life of measured forward movement, enjoying what is already a pretty wonderful existence.

Changing what it means to strive

A significant part of my pursuit of calm is the recognition of the tension between that calm and striving for more. 

Calm doesn’t mean a lack of excitement or effort or that I don’t work hard. A calm life doesn’t mean I don’t strive to improve myself or my business. It means I also strive to take care of my body and connect with my friends and family. It means I also strive for a calm mind that isn’t spinning and anxious but content.

I strive for a life of joy, curiosity and happiness with the people I love most.

I’ve come to realize what I want in this season of my life is different from what I wanted in the past and will likely be different from what I want in the future. I’ve realized that it’s okay for what I want to have changed and to know it will change again. And again.

I can’t honestly say I don’t occasionally feel the weight of not being “productive” enough. I can’t say I don’t get caught up in the fervour of busyness and wonder if I am doing “enough”. I can’t say I don’t wonder if I am enough. But these feelings and thoughts are less frequent and intense. There is even value in having them as a check-in on where I am and where I want to be. 

Knowing I will evolve and change my mind (and already have) has given me a measure of freedom. It’s the shift from: What do I need to do to be enough?...

... to, what do I need to do that matters to me? 

Your pursuit of calm

My brand of productivity consulting is in service of the pursuit of calm. It’s helping others gain clarity on what matters to them by helping them calm their chaos enough to be able to think about their lives intentionally. Then, it’s possible to establish the habits and processes to work towards those goals with the support of some of the tools and tactics I share.

In the pursuit of your calm, consider the following:

• When you think of your ideal Saturday, what does it look like?
• Do you get to have it on occasion?
• If not, what needs to change to make it happen?

The ideal Saturday is just one small part of the pursuit of calm, and it’s representative of making progress towards the intentional life.

What’s your next step?

If you need some help in the pursuit of your calm, I would love to chat.

As the year soldiers forward, I thought it would be helpful to revisit some of the tools and tactics I have written about in the past – both for new readers who may not have seen them and also as a refresher for those of you who have been with me from the beginning. These are some favourites that I use daily to support my pursuit of a calm, intentional life! 

Before I get into my list, I wanted to reiterate that there is no tool, tactic, software or productivity hack that will get your life under control. They are all in service of supporting habits and processes, which serve to make and keep space for what matters to you. What matters to you has to be established first. All those steps take significant time and effort to keep up with among the sometimes harrowing adventures we all face each day. 

An intentional life is one of thoughtfulness, reflection, and deliberate choices. Everything I am about to share supports those choices but is otherwise a band-aid solution without the necessary pre-work. 

Caveats established, these are my favourite productivity tools and tactics:

1. Time blocking and my ideal week
2. Strong calendar boundaries
3. Daily reflection
4. Gmail stars, multi-inbox and automatic filters

Let’s dig into each one!

1. Time blocking and my ideal week

The first exercise I have almost all my new clients go through is imagining their ideal week. The article below goes into detail about how to do it, but the gist is:

1. Set up a new, blank calendar in your app of choice (Google Calendar, iCal, Outlook Calendar. etc)
2. Time block your usual routines (sleeping, eating, hygiene, commute, kids activities etc.)
3. Time block when you want to, in an ideal world, do other everyday activities
   1. Work activities, like email, meetings, focus time, planning, etc.
   2. Personal activities, like fitness, learning/reading, hobbies, etc.
4. Time block when you could do things you are NOT doing but wish you were
5. Make the blocks recurring, and then map your actual calendar over top
6. Update the time blocks on an ongoing basis both as your ideal week evolves and with your todos/tasks

What I love about the ideal week, and why I use it for myself every day, is that:

1. It acts as a reminder of how much time is actually available each day, given all the other things that are happening in my calendar
2. It acts as a reminder of what I want to happen and to keep my boundaries as much as possible to help ensure they do
3. It provides a tool to intentionally time-block specific tasks and responsibilities in my ideal time slots

The ideal week is just that- ideal. It’s never perfect, and I don’t follow it to the letter, but it’s a great tool for helping me be intentional about my time and energy.

Question: What would you include in your ideal week?

Related article: Time-Blocking and Imagining Your Ideal Week

2. Strong calendar boundaries

The most important part of keeping my ideal week as much as possible is establishing and keeping firm calendar boundaries to protect my focus and energy.

These are boundaries that I’ve identified as things that work best for my best mental energy times for focus work and to prevent myself from overbooking.

Mornings are for focus; afternoons are for meetings

My best focus time for writing and deep thinking work is in the mornings. Each week, I do my best to protect my mornings for those types of tasks. Because meetings tend to drain me, taking morning meetings hurts my productivity for later in the day. This means, as a general rule, I don’t take meetings in the mornings. 

Of course, circumstances arise that require me to make exceptions, but I do my best not to limit my availability to afternoons.

No meetings on Mondays and Fridays

I further narrow my availability to not taking meetings on Mondays and Fridays. My no-meeting Mondays is a much looser boundary as an option, but Fridays are usually a hard and fast rule. I like to keep my Friday open as a day to get to anything that had to be pushed back over the week, a day I can prioritize learning and research time and also set intentions for the next week.

Max 3 meetings a day (2 is better) and 1 speaking gig every 2 weeks

Between my innate introversion and health considerations, I know that if I take too many meetings in a day or do too many speaking gigs too close together, I crash hard. I have learned this the hard way in the form of migraines and days where I can’t work at all because I overdid it. I still, sometimes, make terrible life choices and overcommit myself, but I try as best I can to stay within these limits. 😅

Calendly

The software tool that helps me keep to these boundaries is Calendly. It’s a meeting booking software that syncs with my Google Calendar, and I have set the rules above as my parameters. My free consultation only shows availability on days that I want it to. I can also block off days I know I don’t want anything booked on for whatever reason. 

Question: What boundaries can you set to protect your focus and energy?

Related article: 8 Ways to Set Boundaries Around When You Schedule and Accept Meetings

3. Daily Reflection

Y’all know I am all about reflection. I often share my reflections on specific events and my annual reflection to set my themes each year. The other reflection I do that I get a lot of value from is my daily reflection. 

There are many different formats, times and questions you can include in your daily reflection; there is no right or wrong way to do it. I do mine in a spreadsheet before I go to bed. It includes three parts:

1. Health tracking
   1. Mood (Good/Bad/Mixed)
   2. Energy level (Good/Bad/Mixed)
   3. Sleep quality (Good/Bad/Mixed)
   4. Any MS symptoms
2. Reflection Questions
   1. What went well today?
   2. What was tricky or didn’t go well?
   3. What am I grateful for today?
3. Any other reflections: What did I learn? What would I do differently? What's the story from today?

This might seem like a lot, but it takes me about five minutes each night. What I like about the process of going through my daily reflection is:

1. Even on tough days, it reminds me there are beautiful things about every day.
2. Recording data gives context to how I’m feeling. For example, if I haven’t slept well in a few days, it makes sense that my energy levels are low. I also see patterns over time that I can plan around. For example, I know that I don’t feel well for the two days after I take my monthly MS medication, so I can make sure I don’t book too much on those days.
3. It’s a way to mark the passage of time and record the happenings of my life. I go back to past years regularly and use it every year when I work on my annual reflection to look for my themes. There are a lot of hidden gems in the daily minutia of life.

Here’s a link to a start spreadsheet if you are interested in starting your own daily reflection.

Questions: What questions do you want to reflect on each day? What things do you want to record? 

Related articles: How a Daily Reflection Practice Cultivates Self-Awareness and Joy and How to Manage Perfectionism with A Daily Reflection Practice

4. Gmail stars, multi-inbox and automatic filters

An inbox with a wall of thousands of emails makes me anxious. Several years ago, I came across a format that combines multi-inbox and stars with automatic filters to keep my inbox tidy. It means that I only have dozens of emails in my inbox (usually less) at any given time, not hundreds or thousands.

You can read the exact steps in the article linked below, but the gist is:

1. When I batch my emails, I can star them based on what level of attention they require.
2. The stars organize the emails into different categories (visually, it looks like different inboxes)
3. For any email I am done with, I apply a label (if relevant) and archive it. I can find them again if I need to.
4. I automatically filter and archive emails into folders I don’t want to clutter my inbox but will want to look at later, like newsletters. (The key here is to set aside time each week to review these folders!).

I like this Gmail setup because:

1. I don’t lose emails. The ones in my inbox are the ones I need to pay attention to; everything else is archived and organized into folders.
2. This means I stay on top of the ones I must return to, and things don’t get dropped.
3. My inbox doesn’t get cluttered with emails that don’t need my attention until later.

*Note that this setup is meant for desktop users. It will not work if you primarily use your phone for email.

While this setup and process won’t be for everyone (and is specifically for Gmail users), there is an opportunity for you to look at your email setup and consider your options for reducing your inbox clutter.

Question: What can you do to clean up your inbox?

Related article: Get Your Gmail Inbox Under Control Using Multiple Inboxes and Stars

Want to learn how to establish some of these in your daily routines? Get in touch!

January is always a strange month. There are memes, reels, and TikTok’s galore about the horror of coming out of the haze of the holidays in a cheese and cookie-induced fugue. Everything you said you would circle back on in December… now requires you to circle back. Everything you said was next year's problems… are now this year's problems. 

Then, there’s the recovery from a complete break from routines. Your sleep schedule is off by several hours, and you can no longer justify alcohol and chocolate with every meal. The crescendo of holiday responsibilities drops off, only to be replaced with bills and everything you left for the new year.

Current you curses past you for all the things you didn’t get to. 

The bright spot is the feeling of possibility that comes with the turning of the year. With last year in the rearview mirror, you can consider the year ahead and the opportunities for change. Perhaps you set goals, resolutions, or themes and feel a renewed motivation for better habits.

However, within a few days, the new year's shine steadily wears off as you settle back into the normal rhythms of daily life. Your diligent commitment to setting goals and establishing good habits begins to wane as (at least where I live) the cold and dark start to wear on you. If not the cold and dark, then the typical weight of adult responsibilities.

Motivation becomes harder to muster. Your habits start to slip a little… then a lot. The goals you set get shelved. Resolutions abandoned.

Ugh.

So, what can you do to stay motivated to keep to your goals and the habits you set to achieve them as the days pass deeper into the new year?

How to stay motivated after the shine of the new year wears off

Re-evaluate if your goals were realistic to begin with

One of the biggest mistakes you are likely to make when you set goals at the beginning of the new year is you set too many goals and expect immediate results.

In your eagerness and excitement for a New Year, New You, you set ALL THE goals and try to completely change your sleep, food, movement and life routines. You will go to bed at 10 pm every night, wake up at 5 am, do yoga every morning, meditate, journal, drink 2L of water daily, cut coffee and carbs, and do dry January. You also want to start a side hustle and call your Dad more often. All while also being a caretaker to kids/pets/parents, engaging with partners/friends/family, and, of course, building your career.

Whew! I’m exhausted just reading that.

It’s fantastic to be inspired to make positive changes in your life, but when you set too many goals, it can be challenging to do the things necessary to move them forward regularly. You usually have to establish new habits or stop old habits to make progress on them. Changing or starting a single habit is hard enough; changing or starting several habits often sets you up for failure. 

Remember, it takes a long time to establish new habits (between 8-10 weeks!), and change is often slower than you want. Focus is vital to making progress, so you don’t get discouraged. Instead of trying to restructure your whole life and do all the things in an attempt to do the ‘ol New Year, New You, narrow your goals down to one or two. 

You can always set new goals later in the year when you have achieved or integrated the ones you set now. Keep going. Stay consistent. It will get easier the longer you do it, and you will see results; you just have to be patient.

Shift your focus from outcomes to systems

Part of narrowing your goals and adjusting your expectations for how quickly things will change is to let go of the outcome you are trying to get to and instead focus on the process. You want to set your direction with your goal, but the way to make progress is by establishing a system. 

I detail more in the preceding article, but the gist is this: 

1. Break your goal down into its smallest possible components: Don’t look at the whole process and all the steps to get there, which might feel overwhelming. Just start with the first, smallest one.
2. Be consistent: Setting up daily, small, incremental steps is a way to keep moving forward on something and ensures constant, regular progress, which by itself is motivating.
3. Plan your systems based on the assumption of hardship: It’s easy to do something when things are going well. How can you help yourself keep going when life gets messy, or things go sideways?
4. Iterate, iterate, iterate: It’s easier to focus on being better at something than being good at something. Maybe the habit or goal you set for yourself wasn’t the right one for this season of your life, or maybe you need to modify it or simplify it somehow. If something you are trying isn’t working, it’s ok to try it another way.

Reflect on the types of things that motivate you best

I wrote about the types of motivation (intrinsic and extrinsic) and how to use them. Again, the gist is this: some things motivate you for their own sake, and some things will motivate you for a reward (or to avoid punishment). Often, it’s a combination of both. Consider what motivates you and integrate them into your system for setting a habit and working towards your goals. When the initial motivation of the new year starts to wear off, you will have additional motivators waiting in the wings.

Some examples of other kinds of motivators might be to:

• Track your progress: Mark down every time you do your habit or make steps towards it. Once I started my workout and daily reflection streaks, it became harder to break the chain and motivated me to keep doing them.
• Get an accountability buddy: Having someone to check in on your progress or work on your habit with you can help you keep going when you aren’t feeling it. 
• Decide on a reward for achieving milestones of your goal: Maybe it’s something you buy for yourself, like a treat or a new shirt, or maybe it’s time for something, like an afternoon off of a meal out. It doesn't matter what it is, just that it encourages you to keep up your habit.

Give yourself the space and grace to begin again

Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, things go sideways. Sometimes, life happens, and you have to reprioritize other stuff because there is only so much time and energy available each day. Give yourself some grace when things don’t go as planned, or your resolve to keep to your habit weakens. It’s normal and human. Give yourself the space to do what you need, and then start it back up when you can.

It’s ok if you sometimes miss a day or don’t do the thing. The key is to remember that you can always begin again. 

If you haven’t had a chance to set goals for the new year yet, it’s not too late. Give these a read for ideas:

• How To Do an Annual Reflection to Get The Most Out Of The Year Ahead
• Take Aim: How To Reflect, Set Direction, and Make Progress In The Year Ahead
• New Year, More Intentional You

If you could use a hand setting and keeping to your goals, I can help!

I start working on my annual reflection articles in mid-November. I return to them over and over, remembering the various events of the year through the lens of different daily moods. I find and follow different threads; some weave into interesting patterns in my mind between writing sessions, and others get tangled. Some years, the patterns are clear, and a cohesive picture reveals itself, while in other years, it’s more of a patchwork.

This year was more of a patchwork as I took stock of the past year and thought about the year to come. 

That first part, taking stock of the year past, is one that often gets skipped over in the rush to set new goals, but I think it’s the most important part of setting yourself up for whatever success means to you (more on that shortly). 

When you take the time to look back, you allow yourself to: 

• Celebrate successes you might have zipped past on your quest to the next big thing.
• Examine the more challenging times with the benefit of a bit of distance.
• Reminisce and appreciate the more mundane experiences of your year.
• Decide what you want to keep doing in the new year and what you need to stop or let go of.

I enjoy looking back through the days and weeks. My calendar holds the dates and times of events, and my daily reflection has the context for what happened and how I felt. My journal is where I give voice to my worst days when I need a place to unload my emotions. 

As I look back, I keep an eye out for those common threads.

As I’ve mentioned in previous annual reflection posts (which you can find here for 2021 and here for 2022), I don't do traditional New Year's resolutions; instead, I like to set an annual theme which acts as more of a general guide than a specific path with an outcome.

Part of my reflection is to evaluate if I honoured the theme I set in the previous year and find any other themes that may have come up.

(Read these if you want to know my steps to do my annual reflection and how to set themes).

Some things are consistent year over year; many of the rhythms of this time of my life are pretty standard. But what’s interesting and most rewarding are the things I need to examine more closely for the year ahead. Every year doesn’t necessarily have profound revelations, but each one does have the opportunity for discovery.

Here is my annual reflection for 2023 and my discoveries to take into 2024!

A theme for always

My theme for 2023 was Space and Grace. It meant doing what I could each day, being flexible when things needed to change, and having whatever I did be enough. I set this theme while navigating my first MS relapse. While it was originally meant to be a frame to give myself permission to rest and recover, it ended up being an apt approach to the year in general.

Space and Grace were things I needed to give myself for my health and also for our house renovation when our home was a chaotic mess. For my brother's month-long ICU hospitalization, with daily hospital visits and the exhaustion, fear and helplessness of watching someone you love suffer. They were needed when I started my new MS medication and felt pretty rough for weeks as I adjusted to it. I returned to them during the depths of Canadian winter and the everyday trials of entrepreneurship, and I shared them in my client sessions, and with family and friends as I supported them through some of their challenges.

The theme of Space and Grace came up in so many different ways that it’s become part of how I approach my life. It became a theme for always.

Keep space for what matters and have the grace to let go of what doesn’t

Another way Space and Grace showed up in my year was in the more minor, daily ups and downs.

There are all the small annoyances, frustrations, and inconveniences that add up to a hard day, week, or month. They can start to take up rent-free real estate in your mind, making you cranky and sucking the joy out of otherwise perfectly acceptable days.

I looked through my daily reflection and was reminded how important it was not to let that kind of clutter collect in my mind. To be able to give myself the Space and Grace I needed for other things, I had to let those things go.

Did it matter that traffic was bad, or I was late for something, or that Costco was a zoo, or that my cats were hellions, or I forgot to order something on our grocery list, or a consultation no-showed, or I dropped a plate, or I did a yoga workout because I was too tired to run, or my skin was broken out, or someone took two weeks to answer an email or… whatever flustered me on a particular day?

Nope…

Letting them go came down to this: There are things that matter and things that don’t.

In the grand scheme, there are a handful of things worthy of space and energy and endless things that are not. They are the things to give moments to, but otherwise, let them slip away.

This year, through ups and downs, big and small (and perhaps most importantly the small), I worked to ensure I kept space for the things that mattered and tried to have the grace to let go of the things that didn’t. I wasn’t always successful, but I am getting better. 🙂

Make space for your wins and have the grace to celebrate them 

One of my clients asked me how I measured a “successful” year. In a business, there are hard metrics for revenue and other kinds of growth. But how do you measure your life? The question rolled around in my head for a while, and, as is so often the case, I think the answer is… it depends.

• Is it the amount of money you made, the places you saw, the days that were more good than bad?
• Is it good health, the people you spent it with, the food and drinks you enjoyed, the shows you watched? 
• What about experiencing firsts with your kids, old traditions, music and art? 
• Or new hobbies, time outside, finishing something hard, or being better than you were the year before? 
• Maybe it’s sticking to something, quitting something that wasn’t working, or being better at setting boundaries around what’s important to you. 
• No pandemic 😅?

It could be any or all of these things and more. Your answer depends on your values and how those values show up in this season of your life. 

The key is to know what’s a win. What matters to you? Not what you see on social media, not the things we are told on TV, in music and in movies. What matters… to YOU?

To me, a successful year is one where I make space for my wins and have the grace to celebrate them. Here are some of the wins, in no particular order, from 2023:

• My brother recovered from his illness and is back to his wonderful self
• I wrote and wrote and wrote, and I published 24 articles at 1200-1500 words each
• My newsletter subscriptions grew, with subscribers in 52 countries worldwide (which is SO cool to me!)
• I worked with clients all over North America and a few in the UK (also wild, learn more here if you are interested in working with me!)
• I nearly doubled my revenue from last year and did twice as many speaking engagements (learn more here if you are interested in booking me to speak)
• My fitness streak is up to 2194 days as of publishing (six years and two days!)
• I ran 88 times, covering 462.3 km (287.3 miles)
• We renovated our home for the first time (after 14 years!) and it looks lovely
• I started a new medication, and my MS flair-up went into remission
• I made a few new friends and stayed connected with old friends
• I got to go on trips to Fernie, Canmore, Las Vegas, and Vancouver
• My husband and I buddy-read two book series together, which is not something we’ve ever done and was a fun thing to share
• I read or listened to 85 books

Most days, I got to do what I wanted with the people I wanted to do them with. Many hours of video games were played, basketball was watched, coffee was drunk, and pizza and pancakes were eaten. Cats were snuggled, hugs were dispenced, and laughter was inspired. 

It was a successful year by all the measures that matter to me.

My theme for 2024: Resist Less

In early November, I read It’s good to remember: We are all on borrowed time by author Anne Lamott in the Washington Post. On the cusp of turning 70, Lamott reflects on the many indignities and graces of aging and the more frequent reminders of how little time we have as we age. 

One particular phrase she wrote stuck with me. She said,

“My parents and the culture told me that I would be happier if I did a certain thing, or stopped doing that, or tried harder and did better. But... it’s not about trying harder; it’s about resisting less.”

It’s not about trying harder; it’s about resisting less. Resisting less. 

I’ve thought about what it would mean to resist less as I considered my theme for 2024. 

It made me think of another quote, this time from David Foster Wallace,

“Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it.” 

I hold tight to things, struggle with swift change, and lean toward anxiety when facing the unknown. The idea of resisting less made me think of: 

• Noticing the things that make my hackles go up or provoke an immediate no. 
• Being more open to change, taking chances, and trusting I can manage in the unknown (I always have!).
• Being more conscious of what I can and can't control.

It made me think of loosening my grip a little, retracting those claws. 

Looking forward

How resisting less shows up in my day-to-day remains to be seen, but it builds on my previous year's themes interestingly. 

• 2022 was Keep it Going, Keep it Steady: Stay consistent and work to keep life at that 80%. 
• 2023 was Space and Grace: Make space for what matters most (be it rest or joy) and have the grace to accept and celebrate those things.

And now, for 2024, Resist Less: Notice the places I grip hard and see if I can let go or at least loosen up. 

Each of these themes are pieces of the puzzle of living an intentional, calm life. Not a life without excitement, but a life without chaos and burnout. It’s never perfect, but each year, I strive to be the architect of the life I want to live.

So far, it’s going pretty well.😊

What will your theme for 2024 be?

As you begin 2024, what will you do to be the architect of the life YOU want to live? Let me help!

Another full year in the books, and only a few days from the start of the next!

This time last year, I spoke of 2022 as a year of endurance and practising resilience. My theme for 2023 was Space and Grace, which turned out to be an apt one. There were some significant storms to weather and a lot of reflection when the sun came out again, which you might have noticed in the flavour of my articles (my full reflection on 2023 will be out the first week of January!). 

Looking back, it’s neat to see how my writing has evolved over the years and what’s resonated most with you, my dear readers. These 10 Every Intention articles came out on top in 2023. For each, I share some reflections or what inspired me to write it.

My 10 Most Popular Articles in 2023

1. How to Juggle Priorities: Decide Which Balls Are Glass and Which Are Plastic

This one was by far my most visited article for 2023. 

The gist is this: We are all juggling any number of balls each day. Some of those balls are glass, and some are plastic. Drop the plastic ones, and they bounce; no big deal. The glass ones, though, will shatter, with varying degrees of damage. You have to be intentional about which ones you prioritize. The key is it’s not a separation of family and work but rather the complex mix of all the things that make up our lives. 

This article is about how to decide what’s a glass ball, especially when they all feel like glass. 

2. Letting Go of the Shoulds and The Guilt of Rest

I wrote this one on one of my writing retreats. I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to spend a few days away a couple of times a year to spend some focused time on my consulting and writing practice. Each has been quite different in what I did and how they felt. I started this trip low energy and tired, and (in honour of my space and grace theme) I gave myself permission to let go of all the “should” floating around in my head.

This article is about recognizing the stories we tell ourselves about rest and care and how we make ourselves feel bad about allowing ourselves to relax.

3. Sometimes, Quitting is the Best Choice. Learn How to Become a Strategic Quitter

Quitting is an interesting topic because it’s usually framed as something negative. We get so stuck in the idea that quitting is equivalent to failure, but there are many circumstances where it’s the best option. So often, quitting something that isn’t working opens up space for new and better things, but we hang on so tight and so afraid that if we quit, it will reflect poorly on us. 

This article is about changing how you think about quitting and what you can do to evaluate when it’s time to quit.

4. How to Live at 80 Percent

There is always more to do—responsibilities, activities, events, commitments, chores and everything that makes for a busy life. It’s having everything on the go at 100%. When things are going well, juggling all these things (the glass and plastic balls alike!) is possible. When something unexpected happens, things get overwhelming and out of hand. Balls drop, and burnout creeps up. 

This article shares different ways to scale things back to a more manageable 80%. When you are at 80%, you have the emotional and mental space and time to deal with whatever comes up.

5. I Worked Out 2000 Days In A Row, Here’s What I Learned

Fitness has become an essential part of my daily routine over the years since my MS diagnosis. What started as a way to regain control over my body has become vital to my overall mental and physical well-being. 

In this article, I share what I learned that helped me keep up the daily streak and how my perspective on my capabilities shifted over time. I'm proud of passing the 2000-day mark of fitness every day, and I hope it inspires others to add daily movement to their life, too.

✨If you enjoyed reading my articles this year, I would be incredibly grateful if you shared Every Intention with a friend! ✨

6. Slow Down to Speed Up: The Hockey Stick vs. Staircase Approach

A common conversation I have with my consulting clients is what they can do to go faster or be more productive because it’s the only way they feel like they can keep up with the pace of their lives. Y’all know that my answer to them is not some magical software or tactic. It’s something none of them want to hear: you have to slow down. 

This article is about a more measured approach to life. The gist is you must slow down enough to be intentional about building a solid foundation before you can speed ahead (and then do that over and over, hence the staircase). 

7. How to Have More Effective Meetings - Part 1: Purpose and People

This is the first of a duo, the second being How to Have More Effective Meetings - Part 2: Process and Product. They cover the 4 Ps of meetings, Purpose, People, Process, and Product, and practical ways for you to improve the effectiveness of your meetings.

Meetings make up a big part of many people's days and are endlessly complained about as some variation of inefficient, painful, or unproductive. One of the critical things that’s forgotten is that meetings are not just the time you are physically in the meeting but all of the things that happen before and after the meeting. If you don’t take the steps outside of the meeting, the effectiveness of the meeting itself suffers. 

This article is about all the components that make up an effective meeting and what you can do to get the most out of your meetings.

8. Advice For My 19-Year-Old Self

I am often reflective around my birthday and perhaps even more so as I approach 40. Things definitely don’t work as well as they did in my 20’s! But I also know myself so much better. 

This article is about the things I wish I could share with my 19-year-old self that would make her journey a little easier. Turns out, you have to learn some things through experience. 🙂 If you want a little encouragement to think about how far you’ve come since your younger days, this is a good one to read.

9. The Silver Linings of Hard Things

In this article, I shared that my brother, Elliot, had been in the ICU for all of February and some of my experiences. A few weeks after he went home and was on the road to recovery, I spent some time reflecting on the silver linings of what was a scary time. As crises often are, it was a reminder to connect with the people we love more often and not to let those connections get lost in the busyness of “when we have the time.”

I received a lot of lovely notes about this one. It was a tough one to write, but I’m glad to have shared it with all of you. 

10. Preparing For The Long Winter Ahead

Though we ended up having a mild start to the winter in my corner of the world, the idea of doing what you can to prepare for winter, both literal and figurative, hit home for many.

This article is about knowing that the seasons of life will change; some are easy and light, and others take a lot out of us. Connection and creativity are often the first things to go when things get hard, so I share some ideas to cultivate them, even in the winters of our lives.

I got some lovely messages from people who said this article made them feel “cozy,” which I loved.

Those of us in the northern hemisphere are well into winter now, but take a read for some ideas to set yourself up for an easier time going into the new year.

A million times: thank you!

It feels shocking to have hundreds of subscribers from 52 countries read my words and connect with them in some way. I write for myself, but I also write for you, my dear readers. I sincerely appreciate everyone who takes the time to read my articles and drop me the occasional note. 

Thank you! 

Happy holidays, and I will see you in 2024!

Start 2024 off right with an investment in yourself! Book a free consultation to talk about how I can help you have a calm year.

Every year, you change. Some years, you change only a little. Small things happen as the minor crises or joys of the weeks slip past. The kids get older, the homework gets harder to help with, and the after-school activities escalate. You start and finish projects at work, buy new things for your home, and get a new haircut; otherwise, life is relatively steady. 

In other years, you change more significantly. The rhythms of your life adjust to a new job, promotion, health crisis, empty nest, move, loss, divorce, a new relationship, or any of the myriad of things that will cause upheaval. 

The life you imagine for yourself evolves as the seasons change and people come in and out of it. Sometimes, something fundamentally shifts in how you understand yourself, see the world, or live your life. 

Or maybe that just comes with getting older and (hopefully) wiser as the years pass.😉

The end of the year is a time when people feel drawn to the idea of renewal. You will see ads for “New Year, New You” related to any number of things you probably don’t need. But there is a desire to reset, reinvent, or purge yourself of the bad habits of months past. 

There is a motivation for active change versus the more passive changes that happen over time.

I recently came across this quote from Adrienne Maree Brown:

"Change is constant. You can’t stop change, control change, or perfectly plan change. You can ride the waves of change, partner with change, and shape change."

This resonated as I’ve thought about goal setting and the ever-present New Year's resolutions that permeate this time of year. I don’t like the implication in “New Year, New You” that a huge change is necessary or even desired. It makes it seem that there’s something wrong with the current you (there isn't!).

I’d rather approach the idea of active change from the foundation that you are pretty great as you are, but there are always things you can work on or approach differently. It’s a more reasonable, sustainable view from “change it all” to “tweak a few things here and there.” 

So, what if instead of a “New Year, New You,” it was a “New Year, More Intentional You”? 

A You that is more thoughtful about the things in your life that aren’t working as well as they could, or a You that is more intentional about how you approach or do certain things. 

As you look to 2024, how can a more intentional You support the active change you want to make?

Let’s unpack those through the frames of partnering with and shaping change and riding the waves!

Partner with change

Change can be tricky. It’s often uncomfortable and will bring up the instinct to resist. It’s the push outside your comfort zone or a foray into the unfamiliar and unknown.

When I think of what it means to partner with change, I think about what partnership itself means. To partner with a person, you must cooperate and show up for one another. It requires trust and belief in a common purpose. 

To partner with change, then, is to partner with the future version of the person you want to become. It’s cooperating with them, showing up, and trusting that you have what it takes to become that person.

So, consider the things you know about yourself when you think about the active change you want to make. You need to be honest about potential challenges.

For example:

1. What has blocked you in the past? Have you tried to go to the gym after work but are always too exhausted? Think about a different time of day. Could you do something shorter in the morning? Or maybe another type of fitness that doesn’t require the gym?
2. Are you unsure what the first steps are, so you never quite get started? Hire a trainer, coach or therapist to help. Having an expert to get you started can go a long way to setting you on the right path and giving you the confidence you need to keep going.
3. Do you know it’s easier to stick to things when other people are involved? Ask a friend to be an accountability buddy. Maybe they join a class with you. Or perhaps you join a team. Or maybe you ask them to check in on you once a week. It might help you stay committed when you have someone to tell you about your progress.

Be intentional about the challenges you can expect so you can ease the way for making this change. Be a partner to yourself.

Shape change

In my article, Take Aim: How To Reflect, Set Direction, and Make Progress In The Year Ahead, I use an archery metaphor in relation to goal setting:

1. Check your bow: What can you learn from the past year?
2. Plant your feet: What’s the target's general direction?
3. Take aim: What processes will you implement to move you in the right direction?

The gist is the processes you set up and follow matter more than the outcome you are trying to achieve. Your success comes from the processes themselves. You shape the changes you want to make when you set those processes.

Instead of focusing on the outcome you want to achieve, consider what intentional steps you can take to move you in that direction. And then start. 

For example, shaping your change might look like:

1. An hour spent on meal planning and prep every Sunday to set your weekly meals. If your meals are ready to go, you are less likely to default to takeout because you are too tired to cook.
2. Reviewing your weekly schedule and booking specific times when you will practise your change, like reading, a new hobby, or time with someone you love. Visually seeing something in your schedule helps you mentally prepare to do it.
3. Picking a YouTube video to follow along with for a new fitness routine and laying out your mat and clothes the night before a morning workout. They are small steps, but they encourage you to follow through. 

Shape the change you want, one small piece at a time.

Ride the waves of change

As Adrienne Maree Brown says, "Change is constant. You can’t stop change, control change, or perfectly plan change.”  Change will happen regardless of what you do, so how will you ride it out so it goes in the direction you want?

Active change, where you partner with it and shape it, is demanding. It requires you to shift how you do things and step away from the familiar. It sometimes requires you to think about yourself differently and to show up when something feels hard. It requires you to adapt because life will happen and disrupt your carefully laid plans. 

You will get sick or feel tired, work will ramp up, your kids will need more of you, or something will make your day not go as planned. Your change might be more complex than you anticipated or take longer than you want; it might be frustrating and not what you expected. You might need to take a break from it or want to quit.

To ride the waves of change, the key is to notice. Notice your resistance and discomfort. Notice if something is not working. Notice when you stop showing up the way you want. 

And don’t be afraid to re-evaluate and adjust. When you think about your change, whether starting a new hobby, picking up an old one, adding more movement to your day, drinking more water, or spending more time with a loved one, think about why you wanted to make it. 

If it’s important to you, change the time of day, length of time, or frequency. Ask for help, remove other commitments, or try a different but similar thing. Make intentional decisions to fit your change in your life.

Don’t fight it. Ride the wave and see where it takes you.

You don’t need to change all the things. You don’t need to reinvent yourself as a New You. You might not even want to change anything! But if you do, approach it from a perspective of thoughtfulness and intention. 

Be an intentional You who is willing to trust your change is possible and be the partner who makes it happen. Be an intentional You who takes the small steps to shape the change to fit into this season of your life. 

It won’t be perfect because nothing ever is! But ride the wave as you experience how that change becomes the next (slightly different) version of you. 

Need to make a change but don't know where to start? Get in touch to talk about how I can help.

Do you ever get sick of yourself? Do you ever wish you could escape the cacophony of noise in your head and get away from… you?

I do. 

I am sometimes the proverbial tempest in a teacup, upset about something, or many somethings, that may or may not be important. I will turn over an idea, memory, or feeling (or all of the above) like a ship on rolling waves, crashing from one thing to the next. So many things are whipping around my mind. I try to snatch them out of the air, but it’s like trying to catch the wind.

I want to shake myself and yell, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? 

Usually, the answer is some combination of nothing, everything, hormones, poor sleep, and low blood sugar. 😅

Sometimes, it all feels so overwhelming. All the things I “should” be doing but don’t have the energy for. All the worries that pile up. Some are more legitimate than others. There are the battles with impostor syndrome and quieting the jerk in my head. There are the many tabs of articles I’ve saved or left open that I should read but can’t find the focus. There are days spent staring at a blinking cursor, or worse, mired in distractions of social media memes, instant messenger chats, and online shopping… and the inevitable productivity guilt that follows.

But, Ashley, you say, don’t you teach others how to deal with these things? Don’t you write articles about how to manage and overcome them? Don’t you say that your superpower is calming chaos?

I sure do. And it is!

I am very good at calming other people’s chaos. It’s my own that’s tricky. 😉

Just like everyone else, I have to work at it, and I get a little better at calming my chaos all the time. But still, I can be that tempest in a teacup, desperately wishing I could jump overboard and find calmer waters away from… me.

So, how do you get away from yourself? 

… You can’t. 

So what can you do instead? 

When the storm is raging, these are some things that help me.

Block it out

Reading the news, the internet, and social media adds to the din of noise (and is even more often a significant contributor). 

When things start to feel chaotic, I first try to take a break from my phone and laptop. Put them away and do something that isn’t on a screen. Sometimes, I will even clean out/unsubscribe from/stop following the things I know are making me feel worse.

Block it all out for a bit. You can always come back to it when you are in a better headspace.

Move it out

When I am feeling the tempest in my body, and the anxiety is particularly bad, movement is the best way for me to get my nervous system to calm down. If I feel up to it and the weather cooperates, I go for a run or a nice walk with my husband. Otherwise, I will go to my other fitness options, with yoga always being a good standby. 

There is something to be said for focusing on your breathing, the burn in your lungs, the ache in your muscles, the feel of your body moving and letting everything else go for a while.

Write it out

Writing helps me process things, so when I am most scattered, I will try to write it out. I keep a journal in a Google Doc for stream-of-conscious writing. It’s just for me; no one else will ever see it, and I don’t worry about spelling or formatting. I just write, rage, and get out as much confusion and overwhelm as possible.

Many people prefer writing in a physical journal, which is excellent, too. The format doesn’t matter; just that it gets out of your head.

Talk it out

Sometimes, it helps to spill it. Empty out all the words, fears and feelings to someone you trust. Not for them to solve but to sit in the life raft with you.

For me, it’s usually my husband who gets the deluge when I can no longer contain it. He is the lighthouse in the distance, an umbrella from the rain, the sun peaking out from the clouds. I can share anything with him, and he will talk me through it. He will point out things I didn’t think of or other ways of looking at it. He will tell me what’s reasonable, and what’s not, or at the very least, tell me it’s okay to feel however I’m feeling, regardless of how reasonable it is. 

He will also hug me and tell me he loves me, stormy seas and all.

Choose someone in your life who you can talk it out with.

Make space

When things are stormy, and I get sick of… me… I usually do all of these things in some combination. They help calm the rough seas of my little teacup to make space for me to be reflective and thoughtful about why I feel the way I do. 

Sometimes, all I need is a snack and a nap. Sometimes it’s a bit more complicated. 😁

Most of all, I try to be kind to myself and remember that it’s okay to be a tempest sometimes. 

When you are feeling chaotic, try some of these and make some space for stormy seas. The sun will eventually break through.  

If it feels like a season of stormy seas, get in touch. Let's talk about how I can help.

Christmas decorations come out in early October, laid out disconcertingly near the Halloween ones. Our family Secret Santa draw happens around the same time. I add a new tab to my annual gift list spreadsheet to start noting potential ideas (because, of course, I have a spreadsheet 😅). I set intentions in my businesses and help my clients set theirs as we all consider what’s possible (and reasonable) between now and the end of the year.

The second the clock ticks over into November, Mariah Carey horrifies us with Christmas music (I've never recovered from my time in retail listening to the same 10 songs on repeat for 8 weeks 😂).

Weeks away, and all the things that come with the holiday season begin to take up space in the back of my mind. The crescendo of the season threatens to escalate. 

I have written about holiday stress before, most recently:

• 7 Ways to Reduce Overwhelm and Set your Holiday Season up for Success
• 5 Steps to Reduce Stress This Holiday Season

Regardless of whether you celebrate Christmas, the season has far-reaching impacts with its juggle of tradition and expectation. 

For many, the holidays are a chaotic time with layers of different types of pressure. There is a fine line between joy and dread, and you may jump from one side to the other, depending on the circumstances.

Some of these circumstances you control, and others you don’t.

I’ve been thinking about the ones you do and the pressures we put on ourselves. Sometimes, the frenzy of the holidays is something we unintentionally orchestrate. We bend to all the ways we think we need to perform, do and be and much of the season's joy is leached away. 

What if, this year, you stopped and took some time to consider what you do have control over? What if you thought about what you wanted out of this particular year, at this specific time of your life, and focussed your time, energy and attention on that?

What if you could give yourself the gift of calm this holiday season?

Let’s talk about how.

Don’t be afraid to change things up

It’s easy to get stuck doing the same thing every year… just because it’s the same thing you do every year. Sometimes traditions are lovely and are things you look forward to every year, while others start to feel rote. 

Take this opportunity to check in on your annual traditions and responsibilities. Evaluate why you do things the way you do, their purpose, and who they are for. 

Is there anything you do every year that you are tired of or that is already causing some anxiety?

For example, some of the things you used to do for your kids every year might not fit anymore now that they are older. Or maybe this year, with inflation and the rough economy, travelling over the holidays like you usually do is too expensive for your budget. 

Ask yourself:

• What are your annual family traditions?
• What about them do you enjoy?
• Is there anything you dislike?
• If you could change something, what would it be?
• Is there something new you want to try?

Ask your family the same questions. You might be surprised by what they tell you.

Don’t be afraid to change things up, even if only for this year. Who knows, you might even discover some new traditions!

Reconsider your “have to” and “should do” lists 

Every year, you get to decide what matters and what doesn’t in this particular time of your life.

Think about the stories you tell yourself about what you should do and what you have to do, and consider if these stories are true. The commercial narrative of what a “good” Christmas looks like with festive parties, a tree overflowing with gifts, an immaculately decorated home and cookies galore might be in your head. It can feel like a lot of pressure to spend time, money and energy you might not have.

But consider:

• You don’t have to host anything. Full stop. If you don’t feel up to it this year, that’s okay.
• You don’t have to go to everything you’re invited to. Your friends will still love you if you can’t attend their Christmas party.
• You don’t have to decorate every inch of your house. Some years, it feels fun; other years, it’s exhausting. Maybe your kids are old enough now to help more, or perhaps you do something more straightforward.
• You don’t have to spend outside your budget. Maybe it’s a kids-only gifts year, a homemade gifts-only year, or even a no-gifts year. How much money you spend on gifts is not a reflection of how much you love the people in your life.  
• You don’t have to bake a million cookies or make a feast for 12. Maybe this year, you buy cookies, and Christmas dinner is a potluck.

Or maybe you go hog wild with hosting, attend all the parties, Christmas will explode in your house, you will buy all the things, bake all the things, and have a huge dinner... but you don't have to.

You might get pushback from people who want things to be a certain way or have expectations of you. That’s okay. You get to decide what works for you, given how things are for you right now. Pick the battles that matter to you and let the others go. 

Work on letting go of the shoulds and reduce those pressures. 

Prioritize and make space for your “want-to” list

What do you want to do? 

Among the shoulds and have-to’s, what about the holiday season do you enjoy? Who do you enjoy doing it with? 

Do those things. 

It seems silly to say, but it’s easy to get wrapped up in the fervour of the season and forget that among all of the commercialization, it can be a lot of fun, too. When you let go of some of the pressure and are open to doing things differently, you make space for things you enjoy. You get to decide to focus on what matters, who matters, and prioritize them.

Map out the next few weeks

Once you have a better handle on your should-do/have-to/want-to lists, it’s time to get a clear idea of your availability from now to the end of the year and where things fit. You can figure out what to realistically put your time and energy into in the weeks ahead.

Much like mapping your ideal week, you can:

1. Map out your known commitments that you’ve decided to keep—things like kid's events, family get-togethers, and work schedules. 
2. Add any additional responsibilities related to those events. Like purchasing a Secret Santa gift or making cookies to bring. When will you/could you do those things?
3. Then, map out the things you want to do—traditions you want to keep, new things you want to try, and (most importantly) time to rest.

If it looks overbooked, do another gut check for everything you’ve committed to and ask yourself if anything needs to change. You are allowed to change your mind!

You are not meant to book every moment of your life from now until the end of the year but rather prevent yourself from overbooking and over-committing. 

The Gift of Calm

Over the next few weeks, there will be many decision points where you can stop to ask yourself if you want to commit to something, say no, set a boundary, or reconsider. There will be things you decide are unavoidable, too essential to change, or the ones you want to do. 

The point is to have made all of these decisions with intention. There will be stressful parts, but that’s just everyday life. 

Give yourself the gift of calm this holiday season by being thoughtful and intentional about what matters to you and what you have control over.

Do what you can to let go of the pressure and do what brings you joy. 

Are you feeling overwhelmed and ready for a change? Not sure where to start? Reach out, and let's talk about how I can help.

Every Fall, I feel the anticipation of winter well before the snow falls. It looms larger in the back of my mind with each passing week, with an accompanying sense of grief over the loss of summer ease. 

As the temperature drops and the days shorten, I turn the heat on in the house and start my wardrobe changeover. First, only the shorts and summer dresses get tucked away and replaced by light sweaters. The heavier pieces, mock necks and thick knits, get added shortly after. I am both happy and sad to see them, cozy but a reminder of endlessly cold hands and feet.

When I change the sheets each Sunday, I evaluate if this will be the week I put the electric blanket back on the bed. I play chicken with my outdoor potted plants. I want to enjoy them for as long as possible but not leave them out so long that I am cleaning up the yard after the first snowfall (a mistake I've only made once and never again). 

I bring up all our winter gear, freshly washed, and restock our supplies of Earl Grey, peppermint, and apple tea, our go-to cold-weather comfort drinks after our usual morning coffees. Space heaters are strategically placed in the coldest areas of the house. I turn on the fairy lights around my writing desk each morning since the sun won’t be up until well after I’ve sat down to work. Slippers are donned, and a fuzzy blanket is laid out within easy reach, though it’s more often sacrificed to the cats for their daily kitten pile.

There is usually a stop and start of light snow in the final weeks of October, but we are ever hopeful that Halloween night will not be too bitter for the little ones to enjoy trick-or-treating. From my childhood experience, it’s the worst when you have to cover your costume with a snowsuit!

By the second week of November, it’s a sure thing; our corner of the world will be blanketed in white, and when daylight savings starts, I will write in the dark for several hours each morning. 

It’s but a few weeks away from that now. The cold has settled in and won’t lift until the end of April.

Winter isn’t coming; it’s here.

Wintering

I recently read Katherine May’s Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times, and it shifted my perspective on a season I typically dread. It’s a beautifully written part-memoir, part-reflection on winter in nature, literature and mythology. 

May describes wintering as

“a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you’re cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider… However it arrives, wintering is usually involuntary, lonely, and deeply painful. Yet it’s also inevitable.” 

She gives examples of how plants and animals prepare to survive the winter and speaks to people from different parts of the world about their experiences and traditions that help them endure their winters. She describes the experience of figurative wintering during pain or sickness and the gifts of retreat and rest that come with them. 

May’s exploration of the hidden depths of winter made me think about my own winters, literal and figurative, and the cyclical rather than linear nature of life. 

Life in seasons

This time last year, in addition to the leaves changing and the threat of snow, I was just at the beginning of my first MS relapse. Throughout last winter, other life challenges also happened, like my brother being in intensive care for a month or managing the uproar of a home renovation. These were in addition to work and life's regular ups and downs. It was a tough time, and I had many days when I felt sick, exhausted, and afraid.

But, of course, my season changed. I switched medications and started to feel better, my brother rallied and recovered, and our home was put back to rights. Spring came, and as always, the sun came out again. Things got easier.

As May wrote,

“Life meanders like a path through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall from us, revealing our bare bones. Given time, they grow again.” 

I grew again.

Preparing for the long winter ahead

When I finished May’s book, I thought about the winter ahead. 

Winter is always hard for me, even without other life things happening. I have gone through this cycle many times. I know that as winter drags on, there is a slow but steady decline in the opportunities I create for connection and creativity. 

These are things we all need to thrive. 

The small barriers and hardships that come with the cold and darkness combine into endless reasons to hermit. 

Now, don’t mistake me; I do love to hermit. It will always be my natural state, but sometimes I’m my own worst enemy. I must remember that I can protect my energy, recharge and rest as needed while also cultivating connection and creativity.

May said,

“We may never choose to winter, but we can choose how.”  

I want to choose how I will winter, no matter what this particular winter brings. I want to prepare as best I can to ease it.

I hope these help you prepare for your winter, too.

Make it easier to connect and create

1. Book things to look forward to

Managing the long cold stretches can be easier when you have fun things on the horizon. Maybe it’s a concert or a weekend getaway, date night at your favourite local restaurant, pumpkin carving or building gingerbread houses, baking Christmas cookies, or going consignment shopping (those are all on my list!).

They don’t need to be fancy or expensive, just things to look forward to when you feel a little low. Think about a few things that you enjoy and get them booked in your calendar.

2. Choose ways to connect that fit into this season of your life

When I am tired and hermitting, the thought of planning a meal, cleaning our house, and hosting a dinner feels like a big commitment in our limited free time on the weekend. We decided while we want to see and connect with our friends, we don’t need to make it a full weekend commitment. Instead, we invited our friends for weeknight drinks and snacks once a month. It’s low effort and energy to prepare while still getting to connect.

Another way I enjoy connecting is by watching a show with my sister-in-law over WhatsApp, usually once a week for an hour. We are in our respective houses but watch simultaneously and chat and talk smack about the characters. It’s a way for us to hang out without, you know, going out.😆

Other ways to connect with your friends when life is too full might be doing things together that you have to do anyway. Run errands together or walk the dog. Book a few hours to do a meal-make and swap.

3. Take breaks from the noise and disconnect

Many of us spend an incredible amount of time in front of screens. I know I do. They are not necessarily bad and are even often good, but sometimes, they contribute to a feeling of noise and overwhelm. Think about ways to disconnect, even if only for a few hours. 

A few things you can do at home for introverts: painting, puzzles, adult colouring books, baking, board games, sudoku, crosswords, and reading. If you are more extroverted, try a class: pottery, yoga, cooking, dancing, music… they are endless, and many are inexpensive.

These all encourage creativity (and some even connection) and are not on a screen! Getting the creative juices flowing will also help inspire other areas of your life.

4. Collect your favourite things

What are the things that comfort you when you are feeling low?

It could be creating a backlog of books to read, so you don’t need to summon the mental energy to dig through reviews and scour the internet for ideas when there is little energy. It could be having all of the seasons of your favourite show queued up. Maybe it’s your favourite sweater, sweats, socks and blanket. Things that are warm and soft and bring comfort. Perhaps it’s making your favourite soup now and freezing a few batches so you can pull it out on a night you want it.

Start collecting them now so they are ready when you need them. 

5. Get outside and move

Fresh air, sunshine, and movement are ingredients for increased creativity, energy and motivation. This means collecting winter gear to make being outside manageable. It means planning outdoor walks with friends if it’s not too bad out. Maybe even just a few moments on your front step to breathe. 

When everything in you says to stay inside and hibernate, try to push yourself to feel the sun on your face and move your body. You will feel better every time. 

6. Rest and retreat

It may seem counterintuitive to include rest and retreat in this list, but often, it’s what’s required to recover from your winter. Be it the actual winter, sickness, pain, or hardship. Amongst all the business and demands, when your winter is at its deepest and darkest, let go of the pressure to do. Sometimes, the most “productive” thing you can do is “waste time.”

Where you can let go of the shoulds and allow yourself the privilege of rest and retreat. 

An intentional winter

May writes,

“In our relentlessly busy contemporary world, we are forever trying to defer the onset of winter.”

But winter always comes, just as all the other seasons do. All you can do is prepare for them as best you can.

What will you do to be more intentional about the long winter ahead?

Overwhelmed? I can help. Book a free consultation to chat about how.

Before I walk in, I triple-check that I have removed my watch, earrings and wedding ring. They hand me small green foam earplugs. I put them in awkwardly, trying not to bend my left arm where the IV is ready.

I am wearing too-short hospital pants, but they let me keep my favourite Freddie Mercury T-shirt on instead of a breezy gown - so that’s a win. My feet are bare, my sandals discarded as I climb onto the table. My bright blue painted toenails seem strangely out of place in an otherwise beige room. The nurse tells me she likes the colour.

They tuck a large foam triangle under my knees as I lie down. The nurse puts a hair net over my hair and then the over-ear headphones before I lay my head in the cradle. Then, the two foam rolls are wedged in on either side to keep my head in place. Then the cage goes over top of it all. I also have a mask on.

It’s a lot, but manageable.

The nurse asks if I want a blanket, and despite the hot weather outside, I have a chill from the air conditioning, so I say yes. Goosebumps break out over my whole body as she lays it over me. The blanket is warm, and I’m grateful for the small comfort of it as I try to settle into a position I can hold steady for the next 25 minutes.

I take the deepest breath I can, consciously relaxing my whole body as much as possible, eyes closed as the table starts to move into the narrow tube.

I can see a sliver of the door as it shuts behind the nurse, and though I knew it was coming, I am slightly startled when her voice comes through the headphones, tinny and distorted.

“Ready to go?”

The machine starts up. It’s deafening, rhythmically vibrating at different intervals so forceful they make my teeth rattle. I do my best to breathe during the brief breaks between sounds, trying to keep as still as possible. Two-thirds of the way through, there is a brief respite where the table moves out of the tube so the nurse can inject contrast into the IV. It’s cold as it moves through the veins up my left arm, and the table rolls back in for the last stretch.

When it’s finally done, the nurses remove all the gear and the IV. I slowly sit up and swing my legs off the table, careful of the inevitable headrush. I thank them, collect my things from the locker, and change into my denim shorts.

I speed walk out down the halls, trying to remember the route to the main entrance. I am relieved to leave the stuffy, over-air-conditioned lobby into the warm sunshine. I remove my mask and take a deep, full breath.

It’s done. It was uncomfortable but expected. And it wasn’t so bad. And now I get to go home for Friday night pizza.😁🍕

How to get through the things you dread

As I was lying in that machine, I thought about how routine it had become for me to get a brain MRI and how, by and large, it wasn’t so bad now that I had done it several times.

I thought about the things you have to deal with that you dread.

The things you avoid or have anxiety about. The things you build up in your mind, imagining different scenarios, conversations, or calamities… only to do it and have it not be nearly as bad as you imagined.

There are all kinds of uncomfortable, unfamiliar, dread-provoking things that come up in life with varying levels of challenge. Things like:

• Medical checkups and procedures
• Public speaking or performing
• Starting a new job
• Hard conversations like performance reviews or firing an employee
• Business activities like cold calls or self-promotion
• Managing cash flow and finances
• Job interviews
• Learning something new

The first time you do them is usually the hardest, with the lead-up to doing them sometimes the worst part of all. But then… you do them out of necessity or sheer will, and suddenly, they are not so bad. Or even if they were terrible, you know what to expect and what you would do differently if you had to do it again.

New things eventually become old things. Sometimes, you settle into them with ease. They become habits or skills that come easily and with less discomfort. And sometimes they remain uncomfortable and never quite sit right.

They may never be easy, but they get easier.

It’s that first time that’s the kicker.

Here are some things you can do to make a hard thing, especially the first time, a little easier:

Find the familiar in the unfamiliar

It's easy to get caught in the fear spirals of something unfamiliar and uncomfortable and discount the many times you’ve been in a similar position and managed it.

You have gotten through every hard thing you have ever done.

Every one of the things you’ve been worried about and agonized over. All the experiences you didn’t think you could manage. All the things that have been thrown at you. You figured it out. You endured. Maybe you even got good at it. If not good, maybe better. If not better, you did it.

What are the parts of those past experiences that you can lean on?

Look for (or create) small comforts in the uncomfortable

When you take the step to do a hard thing, look for the small things that can make it a little less daunting, like:

• Wear your favourite or most cozy outfit
• Look for a friendly face
• Plan your route ahead of time
• Go early
• Ask friends or family to experience share
• Plan something fun or relaxing after

While whatever you have to do might feel like a lot, take control where you can to make it just a bit more approachable.

It’s better to do a thing than to live with the fear of it

This is a line from a trilogy I read recently. While the context for the words is not remotely related, their spirit is the same: It’s better to get something over with than spend time worrying about it.

Often, what you have to deal with is not as bad as you thought it would be and even if it is, there is the relief of having it done and not hanging over you anymore. That feeling is a moment in time, and that time will not last forever.

Next time will be easier

Familiarity and expectations go a long way to making even the most uncomfortable experiences more manageable. Instead of imagining what an experience will be like, you’ve already done it. You know at least the gist of what it’s actually like. You know what to expect and don’t need to carry the imaginary version anymore. You have data! You know what parts went well and what didn’t, so you can adjust if there is a next time.

Next time may not be easy, but it will be easier.

You are more resilient than you think

My first MRI was tough and filled me with dread. It was an admittedly scary situation, as unknown medical things are, but it had to be done to find out what was happening with my body, so I did it. I was unsure and uncomfortable, and it was one of the more vulnerable experiences I’ve gone through. But I did it, and it was fine, even if the results weren’t what I hoped for. After that first one, it got easier. Now, 7 MRIs later, they are barely a blip. Each one is part of my personal data for hard things that I dealt with, got through, and now can tackle with relative ease.

Next time you are on the brink of a new thing or a hard thing and start down the path of, “I don’t think I can do this” or “This is going to be awful,” pause a moment to remember there is evidence of how adaptive you are. You have gotten through every hard thing you have ever done. You have this incredible backlog of experiences to draw on that you can take a step back and remember. What are they?

Whatever the thing is, it might be very hard and uncomfortable, but you have everything you need to figure it out, manage it, and get it over with. Because you always do. You are so much more resilient than you think.

I offer 1-on-1 consulting. If you are feeling overwhelmed and on the road to burnout (or are already there!), get in touch!

I woke up suddenly to pain. By the quality of the light spilling in from the edges of our windows, I estimated it as early morning. Gingerly, I tested moving my head back and forth and cringed as the pain radiated through my upper back and neck. I could feel the swelling spreading. I checked my watch. 5:32 am.

Super.

I slowly and delicately rolled out of bed and, yet again, tested the range of motion of my neck.

Ow.

Dana rolled over and asked me if I was ok. I told him I had (somehow) hurt my back, to which he, lovely human that he is, groggily asked me if I needed a back rub. I thanked him but told him ice was in order.

As I opened our door, our cats burst into the bedroom, elated that perhaps breakfast would be coming on immediate demand (1.5 hours early). I headed to the kitchen to get a tiny blue ice pack from the freezer and then came to bed only to herd them out, to their deep disappointment.

I carefully lay back down on the ice pack and listened to Winston and Stella’s vocal displeasure at the rude treatment of locking them out. It was Saturday morning.

I was supposed to go for a birthday shopping day and lunch with my sister-in-law. I would be SO mad if I had to cancel because of this!

More ice, a muscle relaxant, half an hour of gentle stretching, and two pancakes later, I decided I was still good to go out. I would need to be careful with my movements when I tried things on. Worst case scenario, I would need help out of whatever garment I got stuck in, or I would have to buy it because it hurt too much to take off. 😂

A successful (if careful) shopping trip was had.

How terribly strange to be… 39

I turned 39 a few weeks before this happened. One more year until I hit the big 4-0 and turn the imaginary corner into middle age. 😳

Around this same time last year, on the precipice of 38, I reflected on A New Phase of Life and the Gifts of Time. I even mentioned sleep-related injuries, which is both funny and mortifying in equal measure.🤦🏻‍♀️

I have yet again been reflecting on another year gone.

There is a verse in Simon and Garfunkel’s song, Old Friends, that goes:

“Can you imagine us years from today
Sharing a park bench quietly?
How terribly strange to be seventy”

It played on a loop in my head for days as I thought about how terribly strange it is to be 39 (never mind 70!).

My sore back has long since recovered, but I’ve been thinking about how much has changed over the years and how much has stayed the same. I’ve been thinking about my 19-year-old self and everything she will experience on the path to 39.

Would she believe where we are today? Would she be proud of who we become? Would she be afraid of the trials we will face? Would she laugh at the absurdity of a sleep-related back injury?

For sure yes to that last one. 😁

I imagined what it would be like to sit with her, an Earl Grey tea in hand, and share some things I’ve learned (or at least am still learning) along the way.

Here are a few pieces of advice I would give my 19-year-old self.

Advice for my 19-year-old self:

Chill a bit

All the things you are anxious about that make you worry and give you nightmares… most of them don’t matter. There will be things that are worthy of your anxiety and worry, some of them big things, but they will come no matter how much you fret.

There will always be more to do. There will always be more work. There will always be things you could be doing. Do what you can, given the circumstances of each day and leave the rest.

Let yourself relax. Enjoy life. Chill a bit.

Take care of yourself

This mortal shell is all we get. 😛

Sleep-related injuries aside, take care of yourself. Listen to your body when it tells you it needs rest. Listen to your mind when it tells you it needs quiet. Drink more water.

Exercise and move more often than you feel like. You will never, ever regret it, and it won't always be as easy as it is now.

Worry less about what other people think and more about what you think

You get to decide what is important to you, and it doesn’t have to be the same things that are important to others. You get to decide what you want and how you will get it.

Most people will not think of you at all. If they do, you can’t control what they think. You can only control you.

Focus on being who you want to be, not who you think others want you to be.

Don’t wait

In the illustrious words of my favourite author, Neil Gaiman,

“Moments [are] to be experienced; waiting [is] a sin against both the time that [is] still to come and the moments one [is] currently disregarding.”

Don’t wait for the right time or to feel prepared. Neither will happen. Don’t wait to do the thing or to tell someone or to try something. Do it now. Enjoy now.

You will get through every hard thing that is thrown your way

There will be countless things you don’t know how to do, things you find daunting, things you don’t think you will be able to deal with. There will be hard things. But you will learn, you will face them, and you will deal with them. And the hard things will get easier, only to be replaced by new hard things.

You will get through all of them. Trust yourself and keep going.

Life is not linear

You will not follow the path you imagined for yourself. You will meander, double back, and veer well away. You will do things you would never have imagined for yourself. You will succeed and fail over and over in different ways.

Your path is not set, and you can always change directions.

You have to be intentional every single day

It’s easy to let the days flow by and get caught up in the daily grind. It’s easy to let habits slip and time pass without thinking about what’s important to you. It’s much harder to be intentional about how you spend your time, attention and energy, but it’s worth the effort.

Take the time to reflect each day. Be thoughtful about your choices and how they impact you and the people around you. Be conscious of who and what you give your energy and attention to. There are things that matter and things that don’t. Give them to what matters!

Looking forward to 40

A few other things I would tell my 19-year-old self: Your back will hurt if you stay in bed too long; you need to warm up and cool down for every workout, or you will regret it; you will still get acne, and you need to wear sunscreen every day. 😂

Jokes aside, as I speed towards 40, I am constantly becoming the best version of myself. Though I am still working on internalizing these pieces of advice, each year I get a little better. I learn a bit more about what I truly want out of my life and do my best to go get it.

While there are certainly the un-fun parts of getting older, there are also plenty that I am so grateful for. I would tell my 19-year-old self that the best is yet to come.

If given the opportunity to look back on all of the ups and downs of your life, what advice would you give your 19-year-old self? What advice are you still working on following now?

If life feels overwhelming and you don't know where to start to calm it down, take your first step and schedule a chat with me. I can help.

I published my first article as the Every Intention newsletter in August 2021. I’ve just passed the two-year mark and have been thinking back on the last year.

I’ve always had a mind for dates (don’t ask me to remember names though 😅). I like anniversaries and milestones because they are markers of the passage of time. They remind me to stop, notice how far I’ve come and pay attention.

As I work to live an intentional life, it’s become clear to me that the only way to architect the future I want is to reflect on the past. I have to look backward in order to be thoughtful about the choices I make in the present to then move forward with intention.

Around this time last year, I did this same reflection. Many of my takeaways from my first year writing Every Intention and building my productivity consulting practice were similar in year two:

• Consistency is key
• Just because you love it, doesn’t mean it isn’t work
• We are all the same, we are all different
• You never know how something you share is going to hit
• The end of one thing allows for the beginning of another

The flavour of year two was definitely a bit different, though. The year was made up of a lot of stops and starts as I navigated my first MS relapse. Sometimes I felt good and motivated to take on the day, and other days I was not up to much of anything (with many days somewhere in the middle). I often lamented that I never knew where the line would be on any given day which made it hard to plan things.

I didn’t ever get into a good rhythm.

In addition to my health, a lot of life happened… as it does 😉. Most notably our house reno, my brother being hospitalized for a month, and changing MS medications for the first time. Add in normal things like a couple of trips, a vicious chest cold, and the regular routines of life and suddenly a year has passed and I’m not sure what I have to show for it.

I decided to take a deeper look: what do I have to show for the last year?

Turns out, it’s quite a bit more than I thought!

After taking the time to reflect and dig into my second year of building Every Intention and Ashley Janssen Consulting, this is what I’ve learned:

How things feel isn’t necessarily a representation of how they are

Even with all the various disruptions and challenges, in many measurable metrics, I did well. These are just a few:

• 26 articles published (after switching to bi-weekly this time last year)
• Over 40,000 words written (countless more deleted!)
• 23% increase in subscribers
• Subscribers from 51 countries around the world
• 56% increase in annual revenue for my consulting practice
• I was interviewed for two HuffPost articles (9 Quick Ways To Refocus If You're Distracted At Work, Here's How To Have A Calmer Sunday Night)

I have exceeded most of the milestones I set for myself when I first started.

My consulting practice also shifted from mostly local clients to mostly international clients, which has been super neat. I've had chats with people from all over the world, including Mexico, Uruguay, Tel Aviv, and the UK. I also got back to speaking in person after the long Covid hiatus as well as several virtual sessions for national and international organizations.

I kept up my fitness streak, passing 2,000 days in a row, as well as over 1,300 days in a row of daily reflection.

Turns out I’ve done pretty well!

The feeling of not having much to show for the past year is just that. A feeling, and a fleeting one. The effort of looking back was worth it to collect and remember the truth of how far I’ve come.

Life doesn't calm down

I have to remember that life doesn’t ever really “calm down”. This is life and it will keep happening!

It’s a series of things that disrupt our carefully laid plans over and over. It can’t be entirely anticipated (as much as you may want to plan and prepare for every eventuality… or is that just me 😅). Some things are good, others are hard, and many are unexpected. And still, the world turns.

The calm is in the daily moments you create for yourself and the space you leave to manage whatever comes. There will always be some challenges or crises, but there will also always be some joy or excitement. They are woven together each day, always ebbing and flowing.

All you can do is make intentional choices as best you can, with the information you have. Control what you can control (which is YOU) and find your calm where you can.

The goalposts are always moving

Something my husband and I have often needed to remind each other over our 14 years of working together is the goalposts are always moving. As you approach and pass one goalpost a new one is planted further down the line.

Recognizing this is one of the most important parts of reflection. It takes effort to pause and appreciate, even celebrate, how far you’ve come instead of lamenting how far there is still left to go.

I suspect we all need to work on celebrating, even in small ways, the goalposts as they pass.

The goalposts will change

Not only are the goalposts always moving but they also sometimes change into different goalposts in response to the seasons and circumstances of our lives.

This year I’ve had to temper and re-evaluate some of the goals I set for myself as I navigated my MS relapse. There is an endless tug-of-war between pushing myself but also knowing I have to be cautious not to push too hard. What too hard means and where that line sits changes all the time. My well of energy is much, much smaller than it’s ever been.

Some of that decrease in energy is also a result of getting older, which I expect many of you can relate to. I don’t quite have the same resilience I had in my 20’s 😅.

I also don’t want the same things I did in my 20’s. My goalposts as I enter mid-life, with all my many experiences at my back, have changed. In some ways, it’s actually kind of exciting.

It’s okay to let go of old goals when they no longer fit what you want!

Looking forward

I think I’m still pointed in the right direction and will maintain my course until the end of 2023. Reflecting on the milestone of two years of Every Intention and Ashley Janssen Consulting was a good check-in to remind myself of how far I’ve come and confirm that I am on the path I want to be.

Also, I think I’m going to take my own advice and book a nice dinner to celebrate with my husband. 😉

Some questions for you to consider

While my two-year business anniversary is notable for me, are there any recent ones that have passed for you that would be worth digging into a bit? Here are some questions to reflect:

• What are the milestones or goalposts you have passed recently?
• How do you feel about what you’ve achieved?
• Have you celebrated them?
• What are the milestones or goalposts that are coming up?
• What will you do to celebrate them?
• Are there any goalposts that don’t feel right anymore and need to change?

Help me celebrate!

To those of you who are subscribed: THANK YOU!!!

The world can seem so loud sometimes with all the things we see and hear. I am so grateful you have chosen to include my work among the endless options out there. Every note and message of support or shared article is greatly appreciated.

Would you help me celebrate two years of Every Intention? If you know someone who might also benefit from learning more about living with intention and thoughtful productivity, please share it!

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Here’s to year three! 🍻

I'm always happy to connect. If you want to chat about what comes next in your journey, I would love to hear from you.

As August comes to a close, I can feel the ease of summer slipping away. Ads for pumpkin spice lattes are everywhere, Halloween candy is appearing on the shelves, and plaid sweaters are making a reappearance.

And I am not ready for it! (Except for the Halloween candy... 🍫😁)

I love the summer. Everything feels a little easier when the sun is shining and it’s warm. When it’s bright out at 5:00 AM, getting up early seems reasonable versus the barest glimpse of light starting well after work has started. I can open the windows and smell the fresh air as I go about my day versus cranking the heat in dubious hopes of warm hands and feet. I can walk out of my house in whatever I'm wearing instead of the arduous process of bundling up. I don’t have to add an additional buffer for driving time in the snow or agonize over an outfit that both looks nice but will also keep me warm enough.

(Not sure if you’ve noticed but I am not a big fan of the winter here.😅)

When the kids go back to school and the temperature starts to cool, it feels like a switch gets flipped and I start to get a bit of the "Fall scaries".

Like a mini-January, September has some of that “new year” feeling. We turn our attention from the lazy days of summer to getting back into the rigour of the fall. The unspoken permission to slow down in the summer is revoked and the pace of life accelerates (sometimes ending in an end-of-year crash😬).

It’s bittersweet, though.

September brings with it a return to routine, habits and schedules. The time between now and Christmas is a tangible block to plan. It’s around this time I hear from all my client's variations of “it’s time to push hard to the end of the year”.

There is often a revival of energy and motivation and with it an opportunity to be intentional about evaluating goals from earlier in the year and resetting the path.

While it’s great to capitalize on this renewed vigour, the key is not to let the change of pace become frantic and crescendo to that crash.  

What if you could hang onto some of the ease of summer and combine it with the energy of September to create a more steady, sustainable pace to the end of the year?

Let’s talk about how.

Set your aim for the last third of the year

Like the inspiration for resolutions that come with a new year, you can approach your mini-January through a similar lens. What will you aim towards?

Think about what you would like to get out of the next 4 months.

• On December 31, when you look back on the previous 4 months, what do you want to be able to say about them?
• What do you want to have done? Is there anyone you want to have connected with?
• What’s the first thing that needs to happen to move in the right direction?

It doesn’t need to be a grand change but rather a deep breath and realignment.

Set a new ideal week

Take your aim and the first few steps you need to take in that direction and see where they fit in your life.

With the return to routines in September, it’s a good time to review how you plan your days and weeks.

Set a new (or updated) ideal week. You can read more about planning your ideal week, but the gist is to think about what a normal week looks like, including all your usual habits and routines. Then map out what the week would look like if you could do all of those things when you wanted to do them, as well as the things you want to be doing but aren’t.

Some questions to ask yourself:

• What does a normal day look like?
• Given what you know about your usual routines, when is it best for you to do focused tasks? Mundane tasks?
• When will you add regular movement to your day?
• When will you make time for connection with your friends and family?
• When will you set aside time to prepare for the holiday season?
• When will you block off time to make progress toward your aim?

Your ideal week sets the intention to prioritize the things and people that are important to you, while also being thoughtful about when you do regular tasks.

Reflect on last fall. What would you do differently?

When you reflect back on last fall and the lead-up to the end of last year, is there anything you would change or do differently?

For example, I often hear my clients say they wish they had started preparing for the holidays earlier.

Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, the lead-up to the last two weeks of December is often a hectic time. Juggling vacations, parties and get-togethers, planning/buying/wrapping gifts, and familial drama… to name a few factors. Depending on the industry you work in, it might be an incredibly busy time like with retail and food service where hours are longer or work is more intense. At the other end of the spectrum, some offices close down completely or have a skeleton staff so progress on projects slow down significantly or halt altogether.

What can you do differently this year, and plan for in the coming weeks, to make things easier on yourself?

Think about how your habits and routines are different in the summer. Which will you stop, change, or keep?

How did the shift to the summer change your usual daily habits and routines, if at all? For example:

• Your commute might have been faster because there were fewer cars on the road or summer road conditions are easier to navigate.
• Your morning routine might have been a bit more flexible because you weren’t trying to get the kids out the door.
• Your place of work might have adjusted to shorter (or longer) summer hours.

Eating/drinking routines 🍔🍷

• Did you have more or less time to plan and prepare your meals?
• Did you eat out more or less?
• Did you drink more or less water?
• Did you drink more or less alcohol?

Sleep routines 😴 🛏️

• Did you wake up earlier or later?
• Did you go to sleep earlier or later?

Movement routines 🏃‍♀🚴‍♂️🧘‍♂️

• Did you spend more time outside?
• Did you find more or less time for regular movement?

Connection and rest 🎸👩🏽‍🤝‍👩🏼 🎨

• Did you spend more or less time with your friends and family?
• Did you spend more or less time on your hobbies?
• Did you give yourself permission to rest more or less?

There isn’t meant to be any judgment on the answers to these questions. Instead, it’s an intentional evaluation of what you would like to keep doing, and what you want to (or have to) change going looking forward into the fall.

For example, for me, in the summer:

• I tend to eat out more and drink more alcohol.
• I also drink more water.
• It’s easier to wake up early because the sun is up but also stay up later for the same reason.
• I spend way more time outside, puttering in my garden or going for walks and runs.
• I see more of my friends and I’m more likely to quit work a little early for some sunshine on my patio or to meet someone for dinner.
• I feel less guilty about taking time off when I need it.

These things combine into the joyful ease I love over the summer.

Looking forward, the things I want to stop, change, or keep:

• Change (reduce) how often I eat out and drink less alcohol.
• Keep drinking more water by setting up reminders on my watch.
• Keep getting up early (if only because our cats will have it no other way😂).
• Keep spending time outside (even when it is cold) because I know how much better it makes me feel.
• Keep connected with my friends by planning monthly dinners and setting reminders for myself (to not be a hermit!)
• Keep taking time when I need it (without the guilt!).

While I am still feeling a bit of the “Sunday scaries” as Fall approaches, my work now is to take the opportunity to look at the possibilities of the next few months. I want to approach it with an eye toward building on the aims I set earlier in the year, but with as much of the ease of summer as I can hold onto.

I want to keep things steady and the lead into the holidays as smooth as possible.

What will you do to combine the ease of summer with the energy of fall to do the same?

If you need some help to set yourself up for a smooth fall and lead into the end of the year, book a chat to find out how I can help.

I arrived in Fernie after an uneventful drive. It was 6 hours of smooth sailing with a few pit stops (most importantly for donuts at The Donut Mill 🍩 in Gasoline Alley) and listening to the end of the second book of a fiction trilogy I was working through. The sun was shining and it was well above seasonal temperatures for May.

I had 4 days ahead of me and I felt tired but good. The sense of urgency to DO ALL THE THINGS was quieter than it had been the previous times I had had the privilege of these short writing retreats (quieter, but still a little in the background).

Truthfully, I had overdone it in April and was reaping the consequences of saying yes to too many things, despite knowing better! I was exhausted and didn’t have much left in the tank.

The irony of my too many April commitments was that they all primarily centred around teaching time management and burnout prevention😅. While I wasn’t in burnout, I knew that I was heading down that path and needed to hit the brakes before I crashed.

A few days in the mountains was just what I needed!

After settling into the house, I sat on the patio with a glass of white wine, a mountain view, and enjoyed the warmth on my skin after so many months of bitter cold. I could immediately feel myself unwinding.

A different approach

The weeks leading up to the trip had been so full that I hadn’t spent as much time planning as I usually did. In fact, I hadn’t really planned anything, which was so unlike me! I wanted to catch up on my writing but otherwise, the week ahead was open.

My first full day I woke up early and was writing by 7:00 am. On previous trips, I had set myself a rigorous morning schedule of yoga first thing and meditation, with the intention of setting my brain and body up for a good day of writing/thinking. It worked well for me before, but on this trip, I found I didn’t have it in me. I just sat at the table and started, letting go of the “shoulds” and taking it easy on myself.

It turned out that “letting go of the shoulds” ended up being the theme of the trip.

The shoulds and the guilt of rest

The shoulds are the endless loop of all the things you “should” be doing.

Do any of these sound familiar?

• “I should get back to work” - You feel you need to earn downtime. Rest is only a reward for working hard.
• “I should do more” - You have to be exhausted for rest to be “allowed” or “ok”.
• “I should be doing something productive” - If you aren’t doing/being productive, you feel like you are wasting time.
• “I should push through” - Instead of listening to your body, you keep going.
• “I should say yes” - …when you want to say no. Instead of keeping a boundary, you people-please.

The shoulds are often things you don’t want to do but feel pressured to do. They are often motivated by fear-based decisions around things like:

• What you think will make others happy
• What you think others expect of you
• Fear of missing out on something
• Anxiety about “wasting time”

The shoulds are not necessarily all bad. Sometimes they are completely reasonable to pull you out of procrastination or reconnect you to priorities when you are in a rut. But often the shoulds show up as ways to make you feel bad about simply enjoying your life.

The shoulds are all the ways you make yourself feel guilty for resting.

Rest for the sake of rest

I have written about self-care, self-maintenance, and rest many times, often framing it as a competitive advantage in life. The gist: You will tackle all the things life throws at you better if your mind and body feel good. But framing rest only in service of future productivity, shoulding yourself non-stop, misses the other side of the coin.

The other side of the coin is simply rest for the sake of rest, with no other agenda but to feel good. It’s resting without guilt and enjoying it. It’s doing the things that fill you up because you like them, and not worrying that you should be doing something more “productive”.

It’s letting go of the shoulds.

Letting go of the shoulds and the old stories we tell ourselves

Not having the feeling that you are not doing the right thing. Letting go of guilt, anxiety, and fear. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?

I discovered on my trip that, while those are easy to say, letting go of the shoulds is harder to do. As is the case with all the ways to live an intentional life, it takes effort.

Over the course of my trip, I thought many (many, many) times about the things I should be doing. I experienced the guilt, anxiety, and fear. But each time I started shoulding myself I took a moment to stop and ask:

Why? Why should you…?

AND

Is your answer the truth or an old story you have been telling yourself for a long time?

If you know someone who might like this article, please share it!

The old stories you tell yourself

In this case, my stories were of needing to do more, be more, and be perfect. These are stories I carry with me all the time but am working on changing.

The entire trip was me giving myself permission over and over and over to just be. To work, but not have to keep doing all the time. To let go of the guilt of rest and instead be grateful I had the wonderful opportunity to even be in Fernie in the first place. To enjoy my time there and not worry about what came next.

It was rewriting my story to just do what I felt like.

I had to make the intentional decision over and over to be ok with the choices I was making to rest and fill my bucket.

• “I should take advantage of the mountains while I’m here” - I did, but that didn’t mean I had to go for hikes every day. I went for one, relatively easy, hike. I went for a run and a few walks, and otherwise enjoyed the mountains while sitting on a patio.
• “I should spend more time writing” - I wrote every morning for a few hours but only until my brain felt tired.
• “I should catch up on my backlog of newsletters” - I didn’t, and that’s ok. They are all still there for another time.
• “I should eat only the healthy food I brought and not eat any junk food” - I ate what I brought AND enjoyed a little junk food. Nothing wrong with a little chocolate and chips.
• “I should read/listen to work-related things instead of reading fiction and watching NBA playoffs” - I didn’t. I enjoyed several fiction books in different forms and watched NBA games simply because I wanted to.

I let go of my shoulds and, wouldn’t ya know it, I came home from my trip feeling rested and replenished.

This writing retreat was an interesting experience because it was very different from the previous trips I had taken, and went against my usual rigorous structure. It forced me to be constantly reflective and thoughtful about how I was speaking to myself and the stories I was telling. While structure has its place and is definitely where I am most comfortable, I am discovering as I get older that there is an important place for spontaneity and open space.

Letting go of the shoulds and rewriting (or at least editing) those old stories is hard. It takes considerable mental effort to pause and reflect on our normal thought patterns but it’s possible and something that, as I am learning, gets a bit easier with practice.

My challenge to you is, next time you find yourself shoulding and feeling the guilt of rest, ask yourself if the story you are telling yourself about WHY you should is true.

What part of that story can you let go of to give yourself permission to rest and enjoy?

Letting go of the shoulds and re-writing your stories is no easy feat. If you need help working on it, get in touch.

I’ve written before about how I first started my fitness streak on January 1, 2018.

The TLDR is that I felt depressed after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. My body felt out of my control and the future I had imagined for myself no longer seemed possible. All of the worst-case scenarios of a complicated and frightening condition were rolling through my mind, scaring the $%&@ out of me.

I decided I needed to do something to take back some control of my body and it started with a 30-day yoga challenge.

30 days turned into 60, turned into 90 and so on.

Everything after that was about keeping it going, trying new types of fitness, and making movement part of every single day. It continued to be a way to have some agency over my body even on my worst days and eventually became a point of pride.

More than five and a half years after my diagnosis I’m still going strong. Even when I didn’t feel well, even when I felt terribly sad, even when my home was a disaster, even when life was hard.

Over 2000 days of fitness in a row, here’s what I’ve learned.

1. Start small, any type of movement will do

When I say fitness or working out, I mean any kind of intentional movement for an amount of time you can commit to. Starting anything is often the hardest part so pick something small that you can make work in your life right now.

I started with a 30-day yoga challenge. At the time, I had only tried yoga a few times so I was completely unfamiliar with the poses and their names. I most definitely lost my balance and fell over several times as I figured it out (I occasionally still do!) but I was able to commit to 15 to 30 minutes each day as I learned. I didn’t need anything but a mat and a space to do it. I watched a Youtube channel (Yoga With Adriene) with videos I could easily follow.

It was something I could fit into any day, no matter how full, and do it in the comfort of home.

Could you commit to some kind of movement every day, for 30 days, for 15 minutes per day? What would that look like?

2. Decide ahead of time what you’re going to do and when you’re going to do it

Instead of having to make the decision of what kind of fitness I do every day, I look at my week and plan when different kinds of workouts fit best, given what I know about my schedule.

Things I consider:

• The weather forecast. If it is below -10C (14F), above 20C (60F), or super windy (or recently smoky!) I will plan on an indoor activity, otherwise, I try to get into the fresh air as often as possible.
• Exercising/resting different parts of my body on different days. If I do a lower body focussed workout one day, the next will be upper body.
• How much time I have available. Runs are a larger time commitment than something like yoga or pilates so those are my go-to if I am short on time.
• The time of day. I am at my lowest energy and motivation around 4 pm so I never plan workouts for then.
• Type of commitments that day/week. If I am scheduled to deliver a talk, workshop, or webinar then I will always schedule a yoga session for first thing in the morning. It helps prep my mind and body ahead of time-- and I know I will be too tired for anything afterwards.
• How I feel. If I’m sore or not feeling well, I always default to yoga. I can choose to do a gentle, easy session and they always make me feel better.

This seems like a long list but it's a quick thought exercise to run through these things. Then you slot your fitness into your calendar as best you can, given what you know is coming up.

It won’t always be perfect, life will happen, the weather will change, or how you feel will change. That’s fine, just roll with it! Choose your default workout for when things go sideways.

It’s WAY easier to commit to the workout when the decision has already been made and you just have to go do it.

3. You might surprise yourself with what activities you like

For most of my life, I firmly believed “I am not athletic” and “I don’t like fitness”.

But the truth is that I didn’t need to be athletic (though it turns out I am more athletic than I thought) and I just had to find what I did like by experimenting a little.

Over the years I learned things like:

• I like solo activities over group or team activities
• I’m not competitive and am not motivated by competing against others
• I like lifting free weights but not going to a gym
• I like outdoor running, but only alone
• I like winter outdoor running 🥶 (under certain conditions!)
• I am not interested in running races or marathons
• I don’t like rowing
• I don’t like HIIT
• I like riding a stationary bike but have to have something to watch or it’s too boring
• I like solo hiking, despite having a terrible sense of direction 😅

With each new experiment, I was able to see what felt good and fit into my life. Knowing these things made them easier to stick to.

You might be the opposite. You might find team sports and being around others motivating and enjoy the competitive spirit. You might enjoy the community aspect of a gym, going to a regular class, or the challenge of training for something.

How can you know if you don’t give it a try?!

4. It’s easier to workout when you connect it to something you enjoy

I love to read, I love stories, and audiobooks make whatever fitness I am doing feel like it goes faster, is less boring, and it provides a good mental break. I always want to know what’s going to happen next so it’s a great motivator to keep it up!

If I’m watching a video for a strength or pilates workout, I mute the video and visually follow along (often it’s videos I’ve done before) while I listen to the audiobook. If I’m going for a run, it’s with me to focus on instead of my tired legs or burning lungs. If I am on the bike, I keep a Netflix show in mind to watch.

What could you do while you work out that makes it more fun? Listen to a podcast or audiobook? Watch TV or a movie?

5. Being consistent is more important than anything else

Another way I keep up working out every day is by making the mental commitment to not skip, regardless of what is happening in my life or how I feel.

My reasoning is:

1. There hasn’t been a situation where I can’t make 15 minutes of stretching happen, even on my worst days, when travelling, or when things feel tough.
2. I always, always feel better after exercise. Instead of cutting a workout when things are rough or I don’t feel good, it makes more sense to keep it.
3. Skipping once or twice makes it easier to fall out of the habit. It’s often harder to start something than it is to keep going.
4. Keeping the streak is a good motivator to never miss.
5. Being consistent and doing some kind of workout every day changes the decision from IF I will do something to when and what.

I will add the caveat that of course there are circumstances where a skip is necessary. I haven’t had any such circumstances since I started, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

There is absolutely no shame in missing or needing to skip, you just start again and keep going.

What daily movement could you do consistently, given the other circumstances in your life?

6. “I don’t have time” is (usually) not quite true

As I have said many times before, time is not really the problem for most of the things we are trying to fit into our lives. We all have the same amount of time. It’s that there are too many priorities to juggle and fitness is not something that you are prioritizing.

There are lots of completely valid reasons why that might be the case and that’s ok!

My point is that saying you don’t have enough time can be a convenient excuse. Be honest with yourself if fitness doesn’t fit into your life because of other priorities, or if you are simply not prioritizing it. If you are not prioritizing it, think about why that might be the case.

What could you change to reprioritize some kind of movement into your daily routine?

7. It’s one of the best things you can do for productivity

I wrote two whole articles on why exercise is good for productivity:

• Exercise is a Productivity Tool Part 1: Breaking Down the Untrue Stories We Tell Ourselves
• Exercise is a Productivity Tool Part 2: How to Add Daily Exercise to Your Productivity Toolkit

The gist: it’s good for your brain, body and mental health! If you need more convincing, check out these studies:

• Reduce stress
• Elevate mood
• Increase concentration and focus
• Improve sleep
• Increase mental stamina
• Enhance creativity

8. It helps to track it and share it

I use a simple app on my iPhone called Streaks to track my workouts each day. Streaks syncs with Strava (for runs/walks) and Apple Fitness for everything else. I also track which types of workouts I do so I can remember how often I do different types.

In case you haven’t noticed, I like to track things! I like seeing that number of days in a row get bigger. I like seeing that I did a run 2-3 times a week over the course of a month. It’s a visual, tactical, reminder that I am doing what I can for my body and mind, every damn day.

In addition to tracking, I have a fitness buddy. My sister-in-law (and one of my besties) Patti and I follow each other on Strava to help motivate and encourage one another. Every so often I will see that Patti went for a run and it pushes me to drag my butt out when I am feeling a little unmotivated!

I am really proud of my fitness streak. It’s been an interesting journey as I shifted the way I thought about myself and what I was capable of. Turns out I am athletic. I am flexible. I am a runner. I am a winter runner (😳).

There are plenty of things in my life that I can’t control, like having MS, but this is something that I can.

I am committed to taking some time for myself, every single day, to move.

Will you do the same?

Do you need to make a change but don't know where to start? Let's chat.